Ashes
by Miss Peg
Summary: Sequel to 'Strangers'. Jane and Maura have been together for six amazing weeks when Jane starts receiving crank calls. Her attempt to hold it all together reveal the cracks in her life, will she look to Maura for help, and finally share her secrets, or will she let everything she's built fall apart?
1. Chapter 1

**Author Note** **: The sequel is finally here, all of 24 hours later. This fic was difficult to name. I don't think I really like the name, but I couldn't think of anything better. In hindsight, Strangers wasn't that great a name, either. Naming fics is so difficult. If anyone has any tips, they'd be greatly appreciated. Nothing I usually do work - thinking, looking at song titles, and song lyrics, using generators.**

 **Anyway, I hope you enjoy Jane's story...**

* * *

The phone rang out a couple of times before Jane answered. She waited for a response, but all she got was silence. She repeated her greeting several times to no avail.

"Everything okay?" Maura asked, as they walked across the park, her medical bag in hand.

Jane shrugged. "Yeah. Probably a junk call or wrong number."

They continued onward towards the line of police tape cordoning off the pond. Out of all of the pond incidents Boston Police Department were called to, it had to be her local one where a body was found. She stepped up to the side, weeks of memories with her son made it all the more chilling.

"Why would someone murder a kid and leave them for other kids to find?" Jane asked, stopping beside the railing.

"I don't know." Maura reached her hand out and clutched Jane's, providing her the briefest moment of comfort. "I'm sure we'll find out in due course."

Jane forged a smile, grateful at her being there, grateful to have her in her life. Her cellphone rang out again.

"Hello?" Silence. She narrowed her eyes and hung up. "I'd block the number but there's no ID."

"It's probably a mistake." They ambled around to the small gate in the rail. A uniformed officer pushed it open, allowing them access to the crime scene.

The crime technicians were already there, taking photos and dusting for prints. Jane headed across the embankment. She'd never been inside the fence, though her son had certainly tried. She let go of Maura's hand and stepped closer to the small body, head first in the water.

She heaved a sigh. "Similar age to Charlie."

Maura lowered her head, shaking it briefly. "Either this was an horrific accident, or someone wanted us to think it was."

"Kid gets lost, climbs over railing, accidentally drowns in the pond." She gritted her teeth, her fist clenched at her side. "The perfect alibi."

"If this child didn't die accidentally, we'll find out," Maura said, wrapping a hand around Jane's arm. She stood close, her breath hot against Jane's neck.

"You're standing too close."

"I know."

Maura's hand rested on her lower back, her fingers travelled under the edge of her shirt. She growled and twisted round. "This is the worst place in the world for me to be turned on."

Maura's lips curved, showing off her dimples. "Really not the place."

Jane turned fully, her body inches from Maura's. "Maybe don't stand so close. It's like I'm constantly horny around you."

"It's only been a month." Maura's fingertips trailed along her spine. "Tonight. Alejandro's happy to watch the kids until tomorrow."

Leaning forward, Jane's whole body tingled. She stepped away. Her mind drifted back to the sorrow of their surroundings. She pushed Maura gently, keeping her distance. Maura crouched down beside the body, her attention switched instantly to her work, while Jane attempted to reclaim her breath.

"I'll get Korsak to check out any missing kid reports in the area," Jane said, putting as much distance between them as possible. She walked off across the grass, her eyes fixed on Maura. Her cell phone rang before she could dial. "Korsak?"

Silence. She glanced at the screen, another caller with no ID. She was about to hang up when the smallest of voices filled the line. " _Jane_."

A chill travelled down her spine. She turned around, looking all around her, her eyes danced back and forth across the park. Her heart raced, her chest heaved. She opened her mouth to speak, but the line went dead.

x

"Don't you," Jane mumbled, in between kisses. "Want dinner?"

Maura pushed Jane's shirt away from her shoulders. She stepped back, forcing the bedroom door open with her body as their mouths moved together.

"Ice cream?" Jane asked, cradling her chin.

She pulled away, her eyebrows tugged together. "Ice cream?

Jane shrugged. "I'm hungry."

"Me too," Maura said, unbuckling her belt and pulling it through the loops until it landed on the floor. A growl vibrated through her skin, her teeth nibbled against Jane's bottom lip. She unbuttoned Jane's pants and pushed them down around her thighs, their mothers barely separated. "So hungry."

"Okay." Jane tugged her pants down until they fell to the floor. She stepped over them, capturing Maura's mouth. They stumbled backward, landing on the bed. She trailed her lips across Maura's dress, tugging at fabric with her teeth. "As long as we can stop for dinner."

"Later," Maura whispered, her breath hitched as Jane ran her hands up along her thighs.

x

Hot sauce landed on Jane's bare breast as she chewed on a piece of chicken. She washed it down with a cup of soda and let out the smallest belch. She covered her mouth and shrugged.

"Sorry."

"Releasing gas from the digestive tract is perfectly normal." Maura tilted her head to one side, her hair tickled Jane's shoulder. She reached her thumb out to Jane's nipple and swiped the sauce away. "Don't eat so fast. You'll get indigestion."

"I'll get it anyway. I'm ravenous," Jane said, tugging Maura's sauce covered finger towards her and licking it clean. She stared over her mouthful, her eyelids fluttered open and closed. "This reminds me of earlier."

"I know." Maura pursed her lips and leaned forward, wrapping her hand around her breast, squeezing it gently between her fingers. A chill travelled down Jane's spine, she thrust her body forward.

"God you're so hot." Jane let go of her hand pushed her body up against Maura's, cupping her cheek as she kissed her again. "If Alejandro wasn't gay he'd have been lucky to have you."

"I'm lucky to have _you_ ," Maura said, brushing Jane's lips with her own.

Jane's chest rose and fell with heavy breath, her heart raced. The moisture between her legs increased. She dropped the last of her chicken into the bucket and leaned back in, forcing her tongue between Maura's lips as she lay back down on the floor. "God I'm even hungrier now."

"Good." Maura slid down, forcing Jane on top of her. She lifted her mouth to Jane's ear, nibbling lightly on her earlobe. "I could go all night."

x

The continuous sound of Jane's cellphone ringing pulled her from her sleep. It stopped suddenly, replaced instead by Maura's. She groaned loudly, her hand outstretched to her cell.

"Doctor Isles?" Maura untangled her leg from between Jane's and sat up, her hair dishevelled. "They hung up."

A second later, Jane's cell sprang to life again as Maura fell back down against the bed. Jane pressed the answer button and held her phone to her ear. "Hello?"

A loud scream prompted her to pull the phone away from her ear. The sound mixed with crying. Charlie's voice was strained, intermittent between a guttural sob. " _Mama_!"

Jane jerked up, shoving the bedsheets away. The cool night breeze tickled her naked body. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut in an attempt to push away the sleep which threatened to pull her back. She slung her legs over the side and crawled across the floor in the dark.

"Jane?"

"Alejandro? What's happening?"

"He won't stop." His voice grew louder as the screaming intensified. "He woke up with scream. I tried everything. He wants Mama."

"I'll be there soon." She tossed her phone onto the bed and tugged on a pair of sweatpants.

"What's happening?" Maura asked, her eyebrows tugged together. She held her own cell in front of her. "Why's Alejandro calling?"

"Charlie needs me." She pulled a shirt across her chest and heaved a sigh. Tears filled her eyes. She turned around, about to head towards the door when she turned back again.

Maura pushed the bedsheets away and grabbed Jane, her hands on her hip and stomach. She swung back, falling into her arms, her face against her neck. " _Talk to me._ "

"I don't know," she said, her breathing became more and more laboured as she clung to Maura's body. "He's screaming for me."

"Okay." Maura stepped away, leaving Jane sat on the bed, her eyes downturned. She dressed quickly. She wrapped an arm around Jane's waist and helped her to her feet. "We'll go get him."

x

She sat in the passenger seat, wringing her hands over and over again. Her heart pounded. The sound of her little boy's screams tattooed on her mind. She stared out at the dark Boston streets as they flew past, streetlights blurred, merging into one long line of light. Every so often, she let out a tiny sob, before containing her emotions once more. At a stop light, Maura reached out and clutched Jane's hand.

"He'll be okay." She squeezed her fingers. "Alejandro would have called again if he thought there was reason to."

"I thought we were past this," Jane whispered. She closed her eyes and lowered her head. "I thought he was doing okay."

"This has happened before?"

"Every night for the first month, sometimes twice." She leaned further forward, her forehead rested against the dash. Fresh tears strolled down her cheeks, landing on the car mat beneath her feet. "It happened less after. At least once a week."

"I didn't realise."

Jane choked back tears. "The last few weeks it's barely happened. I thought maybe finally he was past it."

Reaching out, Maura ran her hand across the back of Jane's head. "There's no rhyme or reason to night terrors. It's not your fault."

She sat back. Her chest heaved. She chewed on the inside of her cheek to ward off the threat of more tears. She hated to cry. She hates the vulnerability. She turned her head again, glancing out at the street as they turned into Maura's street.

"We're here."

Jane couldn't contain her emotions any longer and she let out a number of harried sobs. "I hate it so much. Then I hate myself for hating it. It's not his fault. I should have been there. He'll be terrified. I shouldn't hate it. It's not fair on Charlie."

"It's okay to feel that way." Maura unhooked her seatbelt and climbed out of the car. She walked around and opened the passenger door. She slid her hand around Jane's waist, resting her knee on the edge of the car. "I know how much you love him. I know that deep down that's all that matters to you. Even if sometimes you feel anger, or resentment. It's healthier to acknowledge it, even if you feel like it's wrong to feel that way."

She kissed Maura's neck, burrowing her face against her skin, and clung to her. "I don't want to go in there. It breaks my heart to see him."

"I can go."

" _No_." Jane's mouth found Maura's. She leaned forward, pushing her back with the force of the kiss. Anything to distract herself from the impending situation. "He won't stop for you. The amount of times Christina had to call me. The only person he stops for is me."

Maura ran her hand across the back of Jane's head, and cupped her cheeks. "I'll be right there with you. Whatever you need."

x

The house was quiet, excepting the loud scream still emanating from upstairs. Alejandro's hair stuck up in all directions. Isabeau clung to his side. He rocked her back and forth.

"It's okay sweet girl," he whispered.

"Where is he?" Jane asked, already heading up the stairs, two at a time. She followed the sound until she reached Isabeau's bedroom. Charlie sat in the spare bed, his face bright red, his eyes filled with tears. His mouth hung open, strands of saliva covered his mouth. Jane ran toward him, pulling him into her arms. He hung onto her like a baby monkey being carried up a rock face. She rocked him back and forth, and within a few moments his screams stopped and his sobs grew louder. She stroked his back. "Mama's here. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. You're okay. You're gonna be okay. I promise. I promise you. Mama's here. I'll always be here."

After a few minutes, his arms still tightly wrapped around her neck, she settled into the bed. He lay against her side, his head rested against her shoulder. The gentle sound of his sleepy breath settled her nerves.

Jane glanced across to Maura, stood in the doorway. "Does Beau want her room?"

"She's probably already sleeping in Alejandro's bed," Maura said, kneeling down beside Jane. She brushed hair back from her face, brushing away tears she hadn't even noticed she'd shed. "Are you okay? Do you need anything?"

"No." Jane reached out, gripping Maura's hand. "Thank you. I don't know what I'd do if you weren't so understanding."

" _Always_ ," Maura said, her eyes crinkled at the corners. She leant in, pushing her lips against Jane's, holding them there for a moment. "You matter to me. I care that you're okay, and I care about Charlie."

"Maur?"

"Yes?"

"Can you stay?"

Maura stood up and perched on the edge of the bed, her shoulder rested against the wall. She pushed hair back from Jane's face, and leaned down, kissing her softly. "I'm here. I'll stay as long as you need."

"Thanks," Jane whispered, turning her head against Maura's hand. She closed her eyes. The long night with Maura was finally catching up with her. She squeezed one arm tightly around her son, while her other hooked around Maura's arm. Her mouth opened in the largest of yawns. She could feel herself slipping closer to sleep. She lifted Maura's arm to her lips. "I love you."

Maura leant down and kissed her on the forehead. "I love you too."


	2. Chapter 2

**Author Note : Thank you for the really nice response to the first chapter of the sequel. This is proving to be a little challenging - if only because of the amount of emotion in this chapter. I don't anticipate it all being quite so heavy. I'm hoping light will surface and allow me to write it. But there's a lot of story to tell. A lot of drama. I hope you enjoy it.**

* * *

Something small and pointed touched Jane's cheek. She groaned, clinging on to the last of her dreams before she became too awake. It touched her cheek again. She swatted it out of the way. It was replaced by something warm and wet. She scrunched up her face.

"What the…?" she muttered, opening her eyes. Charlie sat staring down at her, his lips curved into the largest smile. She heaved a sigh. Her body ached all over, in desperate need of several extra hours sleep. She forged a smile, rolling her eyes as it reached her eyes. She wiped saliva from her cheek. "Morning, Chuck."

He leant over her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders as he rested his head against her chest. She breathed slowly, her heart rate decreased. She tucked her hands around his back and held him tightly.

"You look happier this morning." She scooted up on the bed, leaning against the wall. He climbed onto her lap and clung to her front. "I shoulda named you Joey."

"No!" he giggled.

"You prefer Charlie?" she asked, knowing full well that his answer would be identical. He scrunched his lips to one side and nodded. She sighed and lifted him off the bed, clutching him against her front. "Don't ever change, kid. Except maybe the walking and talking thing."

Charlie wrapped his arms tightly around her neck, his ankles crossed around her waist. Jane trailed her hand across his shoulders and carried him out into the hallway and down the stairs.

In the kitchen, Maura sat at the table, goading Isabeau into eating her breakfast, whilst Alejandro laid out a spread on a tray. Jane lowered Charlie into a seat beside Isabeau and pulled away, but he clung to her.

"Not this again," she muttered, carefully untangling his arms. She sat beside him, his hand wrapped around her arm at all times.

Maura rested her hand across Jane's knee under the table. "Good morning."

"You up!" Alejandro said, carrying the tray across to the table and placing the plates and bowls in front of Jane. "We have cereal, eggs, bacon, bagels, cream cheese, and oatmeal."

"Morning. I know I'm feeling ravenous," Jane said. She covered Maura's hand with her own, her eyes fixed on Maura's. She smirked back. "But even I don't think we can eat all of this."

"I want oatmeal!" Isabeau shouted, tugging the bowl toward her."

Maura sighed. "No cereal today?" She shook her head.

"Chuck, do you want cereal, or bacon and eggs?" He narrowed his eyes, and without prompting, picked up a slice of bacon and chewed on it like toast. Jane was about to pick up the cereal when he reached for the bowl, dipping his hand into the dried bubbles. "I guess I'll have the bagel."

"We have more cereal," Maura said.

Jane shrugged. "Bagel's fine."

After breakfast, Jane carried Charlie upstairs and helped him change into his clothes. She sat him on the bed and headed out of the door, when he started screaming again. She rushed back to his side and scooped him up.

"Guess I'm peeing with my Joey on my back," she said, rolling her eyes.

She ambled back down the stairs once she'd finished in the bathroom. Alejandro had gone home. Isabeau sat at the table colouring a picture with such precision that her tongue stuck out at the side.

"How about we colour a picture?" Jane asked, sitting Charlie onto the chair beside Isabeau. "Can we have one of your pictures, Beau?"

She nodded in silence, too focused on her work to respond. Jane flicked through a pile of pictures and put a giraffe in front of Charlie, moving Isabeau's crayons to the space between them. His face lit up. She ran her hand across his head. "Your second favourite animal!"

"He's not let you go all morning, has he?" Maura glided across the room, her summer dress flowed down around her knees, the front v shape sat comfortably between her breasts. Jane let out a soft purr.

She reached an arm out. "Come closer?"

Maura narrowed her eyes. "I'm not sure this is very healthy."

Jane snaked an arm around Maura's waist and pulled her against her, capturing her lips with her own. She resisted the urge to groan and perched on the chair beside her son. "He'll be fine in a few hours. It always happens when he has a meltdown."

"I assume the doctors you saw knew about the night terrors." Jane nodded. "I wish I could do more to help."

"You are helping." Jane gripped her hand. "Sit down. We're colouring giraffes and turtles."

"That's a tortoise, actually," Maura said, resting her hand on the back of Isabeau's chair as she sat beside her. "It's too exaggerated to be able to tell which kind but from the size of the leaf, I would suggest it is probably Hermann's tortoise."

"Doctor Maura Isles, ladies and gentlemen." Jane laughed. "The all-knowing, all-seeing lady in a stunning dress."

Maura rolled her eyes and smirked. "I don't see everything, and I certainly don't know everything. But thank you."

The phone buzzed in Jane's pocket. She noted the lack of caller ID and pressed the cell to her ear. "Hello?"

" _Jane_?"

She stepped away from the table and pushed open the back door, heading out into the yard. She walked across the grass and over to the small patio. "Yes. It's Jane."

"Jane Rizzoli?"

A chill travelled down her spine, goose pimples travelled across her skin. "Yes. Who is this? Why do you keep calling me?"

The screaming started a moment later, distracting Jane's attention. She rushed back towards the house, waiting patiently for the caller to respond.

"Hello? Tell me why you keep calling."

The dial tone beeped continuously. A gust of wind tickled the back of her neck. She spun round, her eyes fixed on her surroundings. She pushed her phone back into the pocket of her pants and headed back inside.

"It's okay, Charlie," Maura whispered. She sat on the chair beside him, cradling him tightly. "Look, Mama's here."

She slouched into the seat as Maura vacated it, replacing her as Charlie clung to her stomach. She ran a hand across his back. "I'm here. I was just outside. It's okay."

x

Jane kicked her legs back and forward across the gravel beneath the picnic bench. She picked at her cuticles and glanced nervously at the car parked a few feet away. She thrust the toes of her shoes into the ground, sending loose gravel flying.

"They're well away," Maura said, placing a cool bag on the table. She sat opposite. "At least it gives you a break while he's napping."

She rubbed her eyes, slipping her fingers through her hair and over the back of her head. She could feel her heart rate increase with every passing second. She lowered her forehead to the table and groaned.

"I can't keep doing this."

"Maybe it's time you reconsidered seeing another doctor."

"I can't do that either." She lifted her head. "I can't put him through it again."

"Okay." Maura unzipped the bag and laid out several dishes on the table. She handed a plate to Jane and filled two glasses with orange juice. "Let's at least enjoy a few moments before they're awake again."

The booming sound of Jane's cell phone ring tone filled the peace and quiet, sending a wave of panic through her. She answered it without glancing at the screen. "Rizzoli?"

Maura's cell rang out across the table. "Isles?"

Jane stood up. For the briefest second, she expected work. Maura was already discussing something with her caller, but Jane's phone was practically silent.

"I can hear you breathing." She climbed out from the picnic table and walked through the trees a few yards from Maura. "Please. Just tell me who you are."

The line went dead.

She spun round and headed back to the table. Her heart thumped. She slouched back into her seat and sipped her orange. She scooped some potato salad onto a plate next to a couple of sandwiches.

"Sorry about that," Maura said, hanging up the phone. "A colleague in Worcester wants a consult, there's been an incident with a young officer, wants to make sure it's done by the book."

A piece of potato salad lodged itself in Jane's throat. She covered her mouth with the back of her hand and attempted to cough. A breath got stuck in her throat. She coughed harder; her breathing became laboured as she struggled to dislodge the blockage. Her eyes welled up with tears.

"Cough, Jane," Maura said, gripping her hand. She stepped around the table, rubbing her back slowly. "Try to breathe normally."

Spluttering, Jane coughed as hard as she could. Her stomach contracted. She resisted, covering her mouth in an attempt to ward off the tingling of her lips. She coughed again and the contents of her stomach resurfaced, landing in her hands. Tears streamed down her face. Her breathing became more laboured, her chest heaved with every difficult breath. Her throat was raw.

"It's okay." Maura perched on the edge of the picnic bench. She picked up a couple of napkins and handed them to Jane, then filled a glass with water.

Jane wiped up the mess on her hands, and sipped the drink. Her chest pounded; her face red. "Sorry."

Maura snaked an arm around her waist and leant her head against Jane's. She picked up another napkin and wiped at the mess covering her shirt. "You have nothing to be sorry about. You've been on a heightened sense of alert since breakfast."

Charlie's screams filled the clearing. She was about to stand when her cell rang again. _No caller ID._ Jane leant forward, closing her eyes. Her shoulders hunched over. Great gasping sobs created fresh tears down her cheeks. She clung to Maura's arm. "I can't. Not right now. I can't."

"Okay." Maura cupped her cheeks brushing tears from her face. She kissed away droplets, as more replaced them at great speed. She squeezed her tightly. "Just breathe slowly, Jane. It's okay. Whoever is calling will call back. I'll get Charlie."

He kicked his legs out as Maura struggled to lift him out of the car. He thrashed his arms blindly. "It's okay Charlie. Mama's just over there. I'm taking you straight to her."

The screaming subsided. He reached out to Jane, stretching further until Maura lowered him onto the bench and he could reach her. Jane rested her head against the wood, her hands wrapped around her face. Her shoulders shook, residual tears made the come down all the harder.

Maura closed her eyes. She sat in the space on the other side of Jane and reached all the way around Charlie, holding them close.

"I think you should _both_ see a doctor."

Jane sat up, rubbing her eyes. She held Charlie close on the one side, and rested her head on Maura's shoulder on the other. "Okay. I'll do it."


	3. Chapter 3

**Author Note : Thank you for the comments, they really do help to motivate me and push me forward. This chapter wasn't supposed to end up like this, I'm not sure what was going to happen. But apparently Jane and Maura can't help themselves. You may not see it, but this story is moving forward...**

* * *

Charlie hung from Jane's back, his arms clasped together around her neck. She supported his knees, holding him steady as they exited the doctor's office. The waiting room was nearly empty. A little girl sat on the floor building a tower, whilst an elderly woman sat beside her. Across the room, Maura stood.

"How was it?"

Jane leaned in close and brushed her lips against Maura's. "I didn't think you could make it."

"I finished in Worcester early." She slipped a hand around Jane's back. She flinched. Maura's eyebrows tugged together. Jane stood a little taller, her heart thumped hard against her rib cage. "I wanted to be here for you both."

"We're okay." At least she had been a moment before. She chewed on the inside of her lip in an attempt to ward off the threat of tears. They ambled out onto the street. Jane bounced Charlie up and down as they walked across the parking lot towards her car. "The paediatrician suggested Charlie attends play therapy. She gave me the name and number of someone she highly recommends. We'll see how that goes."

Jane leant against the car door, balancing Charlie on her back as she struggled to retrieve her keys from her pocket. She flipped open the key, pressed the lock button and tugged open the back door.

Maura hovered beside her. "Did she suggest anything else?"

"She said if the therapy doesn't show a significant sign of improvement, then they'll consider putting him on some medication. The therapist should be able to prescribe it." She leant into the car. Charlie climbed into his car seat, and she buckled him in. Jane stood upright and pushed the door closed. She caught Maura's eyes and for the first time since entering the doctor's office, her resolve crumbled. "I don't want him on medication."

Maura stepped forward, her hands outstretched. She cupped her cheeks, wiping fresh tears from her beneath her eyes. She kissed her softly. "I know this frightens you, but you're doing the best thing for Charlie. Focus on the therapy, and don't worry about medication until you need to."

She breathed heavily, her chest heaved with every harried breath. "Sometimes I think I'm the one who needs medication."

She rested her head against Maura's shoulder and closed her eyes. The gentle sound of her breath upon her neck settled her nerves. Maura kissed the side of her head, cradling her tightly in her arms. "If you want medication…"

"I don't."

"Then don't ask for it." Maura trailed her hands across Jane's neck. "You've already got an appointment to see a therapist, don't push yourself too hard. It might help just to talk about everything."

Jane stepped back, her fingers travelled along Maura's arm until their fingertips broke apart. "I should go. Are you coming over tonight?"

"I have my book group."

She opened the car door, her head tilted to the side. "Did you finish that sex book?"

"It's not a sex book," Maura said, her lips twisted to one side. "It's erotica."

"Like there's a difference!"

"I finish at eight." Maura pecked her on the lips. "I'll bring my book and read it to you if you like."

Raising her eyebrows, Jane nodded. "I'll be in my underwear on the couch."

"Why?"

"Sox are playing, and I don't wanna miss your sex book."

x

The front door opened shortly after eight. Jane cracked open a bottle of beer, craning her neck as Maura entered the house. She dropped her bag by the door, and perched an umbrella beside it. She shook her head; her book rested under one arm. She ambled into the kitchen in silence. Jane refocused her attention on the television.

"How long til the game is over?" Maura asked, sitting down beside her.

Jane barely glanced over, sipping her beer. "Thunderstorm delay. Games over for now. Typical the weather's been dry for weeks and tonight of all nights, we get a storm."

"Oh well." Maura leant over, her lips open as her tongue touched Jane's earlobe.

She froze, her breath caught in her throat. She turned her head, her eyes landed on Maura's body. "You took off your clothes?"

"The more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea of sitting here in our underwear." She reached for her wine. "Taking about my book has made me feel rather…hot."

"I'm not surprised." Jane lifted her knee up onto the couch and twisted her body towards Maura. She flicked off the television and leant in close. "I hate delayed games, but it couldn't have come at a better time."

"Perhaps we should take this upstairs."

Jane moved closer, her lips open as she breathed heavily against Maura's neck. She pressed her lips against her skin, her tongue danced across it. She sucked and nibbled, teasing Maura's neck. "Perhaps we should read that book."

"Here?"

"Why not?"

"Charlie."

"He's upstairs, if he wants me he'll shout." She trailed her lips across Maura's shoulder; her fingertips followed every touch, every taste. She pushed her back, sliding her body over Maura's, their breasts colliding, their bras pressed together. "Read to me."

Maura reached out to the book and held it up in front of her face. Jane moved down, her fingertips grasped at her chest, her tongue circled her belly button. Maura's whole body shuddered. She opened the book. "Chancey swayed back and forth."

"Chancey?" Jane laughed. "What sort of a name is Chancey?"

"He's very tall, very British."

" _Oh darling!_ "

Maura rolled her eyes, her lip tucked under her teeth. She lifted her hips to meet Jane's mouth. "His pants bulged at the front. Anita stepped forward, squeezing him through the material. He jerked, her hand shifted, but he held it steady. He kissed her again, his lips hot against hers. She pressed her body against him."

"This turned you on?"

"It gets better."

"I hope so."

"He unbuttoned his pants. She pulled down the zip, tugging them down over his thighs. His underwear bulged; his shaft poked its head out of the gap. She knelt down, licking her lips."

Jane's hair fell across Maura's stomach, her whole body shook with uncontrollable laughter. "This? Maura!"

"It gets better."

"I don't care if it gets better!" Jane ripped the book from her hand and tossed it onto the floor. Her tongue replaced her words, slipping between Maura's lips. She pushed her thigh between Maura's legs. "I don't wanna hear about Chancey and his British dick."

" _Oh!_ " Maura's eyes opened wider. She struggled to sit upright, Jane's body heavy against her. " _You're gay_."

"No shit." Jane smirked. "Got anything more to my taste?"

"Not with me." Maura pushed her back, sitting upright. "I can go home and get something."

"Now?" Jane shook her head. She captured her lips, trailing her fingertips down between her legs. "Let's just fuck."

Maura held her hand up, causing Jane to kiss her palm. Jane's eyebrows tugged together. She pouted, her heart raced, her body tingled. She was ready, she was waiting, and she didn't much enjoy the delay.

"What now?"

"You slept with a man, though."

"And?" She leant down past Maura's hands, covering Maura's neck with long, moist kisses. "Don't you just wanna get on with it?"

"Charlie's dad is a man." Maura pushed her back again. "Who you slept with."

Jane shrugged. "Where are you going with this?"

"You're gay, and you slept with a man."

She closed her eyes and sat back against her heels. She counted slowly, one, two, three. With every number came another breath, methodical, carefully thought out. Maura lifted her hands to her cheeks. She opened her eyes again.

"We're gonna have this conversation now?"

"Please." Maura moved her fingertips across her cheek and down over her shoulder. She tucked them under the strap of her bra. "You talk, I'll keep going."

"Do I have to?"

Maura chewed on her bottom lip. "If you want our relationship to continue moving forward."

Jane sighed. She leant back against the couch, pulling Maura on top of her. She closed her eyes, giving in to the feel of Maura's hands and mouth on her skin. She listened to the soft moans, could feel the shifting of her bra strap as Maura tugged it down.

"I didn't want to be." She cleared her throat, her voice was too weak, and she hated how it sounded. "I never wanted to be gay. I fought it. I tried to deny it. For years."

"But you couldn't," Maura said, in between kisses. She tucked her fingers into the waistband of Jane's panties and slipped them down, exposing her to the cool air.

" _No_." She swallowed. The feeling coursing through her body intensified. Maura's fingers trailed over the most sensitive spot. She moaned. "I couldn't. When I moved to Boston I kept trying to. I met somebody at the Police Academy. We had this two week love affair and it was the most amazing thing."

Maura cleared her throat, continuing her pursuit of Jane's climax. She gripped the blanket on the back of the couch, her fingers on her other hand dug into Maura's arm. She lifted her butt, holding herself closer.

"It wasn't like this. She was my first. It was different. I never knew how amazing sex with a woman could be. Ow!" She lifted her head, Maura smirked, her eyebrows raised. "Less of the teeth! More of the tongue."

"Less talking about sex with someone at work," Maura whispered, her breath only intensified the exhilaration.

"It was two weeks. She left the academy afterwards; I've not seen her since. I didn't know what to do. I tried to pretend that it didn't happen. I kept forcing things with guys. If only to shut the voice up in my head. When I went undercover in Vice I got close to my partner." She paused, her breath hitched in her throat. "Nine months later, Charlie was born."

Maura crawled up to her lips. Jane could taste herself on her tongue. She slipped her fingers around the back of Maura's panties and pulled them down. "When did you come to terms with being gay?"

"Not sure I ever did." Jane shrugged. She cupped Maura's butt, lifting her closer, grinding herself against her. "I didn't date after that."

" _Ever_?"

"You're my first since before Charlie was born."

"I hope I'm worth the end of your drought."

She tried to swallow but her heart raced too quickly her hips thrust up to meet Maura. "God, like you wouldn't believe."


	4. Chapter 4

**Author Note : I wish today brought a happier me. It doesn't. I was so excited about this chapter, and then my brain dragged me down. I'm happy with the chapter, and I'm glad to share it. I just wish I was cheerier in doing so.**

* * *

"Thanks, Maura," Jane said, hanging up her cell. She stood up, hovering beside Korsak's desk with the case file in her arms. "DNA's a match. You wanna tell him, or should I?"

He picked up his jacket. "Good cop, bad cop?"

They marched down the corridor, side by side. Jane talked herself up. Preparing the first words she was going to say when she got into the interrogation room. "Today's our lucky day."

"You think?"

"Arrest a guy on the same day the DNA test comes back?" Jane smirked, pushing down on the door handle. She leant against it with her back. "Today we're gonna close this one down."

Korsak stood up straight, his shoulders back. Jane leant forward, slouching against the table in the middle of the room. Korsak sat down beside her. "Mr Nelson, good of you to join us."

"This is a fucking joke!" he slammed his fists against the table. "Where's my lawyer? You can't hold me. We've been here before, you have nothing. Get me my lawyer."

"Not until you explain." Jane moved forward, her hands holding her balance. She looked him in the eye. "We've got DNA, Stevie. You can give it all up. We've got you."

"You got nothing!"

"Yeah?" Jane leant back, folding her arms. She glanced at Korsak and laughed. "Whaddya think, Korsak? You think this guy's gonna go home tonight?"

"Not a chance." He shrugged. "Sorry Mr Nelson. Rizzoli here calls the shots today, and she's bang on. Your lawyer's on his way. You can wait for him if you'd like, or you can admit to raping and murdering Paulette Jones."

He stood up, his wrist tugged him back down as the handcuff held his arm close to the table. "I didn't do it!"

"Just like you didn't go anywhere near her apartment," Jane said, sitting down. She opened up her file. "Yet we have DNAevidence that you were in the bathroom."

He leant forward; his temple pulsed so fast that Jane thought he might keel over. His face reddened. His voice rose as he shouted. "It wasn't me."

Jane shrugged, holding her emotions in. "Settle down, Shaggy."

"You're setting me up."

"Detective Rizzoli wouldn't do such a thing," Korsak said. He placed a can of beer on the table. "You want a drink?"

"It'll be your last one before you go inside." Jane laughed, catching Korsak's eye. "Judge will never agree to bail, not with what you've done."

"Please." He leant forward, his eyes wild. "You've got to believe me."

"Sure." Jane stood up, slapping the file against the corner of the table. "I believe that you believe you didn't do it. I believe that you believe that the sex was consensual. I believe that you believe you were never even in Paulette Jones apartment on the night of her murder. I also believe that you don't believe you're gonna be convicted for this, on account of being some hot shot basketball player with enough money to pay for a Harvard educated lawyer. What are the chances, Korsak?"

"With evidence like this?" He shook his head, his lips curved at the edges. "Not a chance. Sorry Mr Nelson. We'll be seeing you in court."

x

The dim alleyway was an obstacle course. Jane ducked under the police tape, moved around the dumpsters, tiptoed through a pile of trash, and came to a halt at the end. Maura had arrived a while ago. Korsak stood beside her, staring down at the body of a man.

"What do you need, Korsak?" she asked, smiling at Maura.

He motioned towards a fence behind him. She looked through the railing. The light was fading as the evening drew to a close. Korsak patted the chain link. "We need you round the other side until we can get the crime tech down there. Uniform is stopping people at the far end, but we need you to look around."

"Anything in particular?"

"A knife." Maura's voice filled the chaos, settling Jane's fractured thoughts in an instant. She resisted the urge to kiss her right there in front of half the police department. She nodded her understanding. "It's perfectly possible the suspect took it with them."

"But it could be over there. I'm your gal." Jane backtracked, her eyes fixed on Maura's. She collided with the side of a dumpster, her whole body jolted. She spun round, ignoring the bruise forming on her hip. "I'll be there ASAP."

On the other side of the fence, she cased the surroundings. Her eyes travelled methodically across every inch of the surface area. She glanced back through the fence. Maura hadn't left yet. She chewed on her bottom lip, hoping to dissuade all thoughts of Maura with no clothes on. She cleared her throat and crouched down on the floor.

Her cell buzzed against her hip. She dropped her forehead against the ground as she reached for her phone. She rubbed her head. "Rizzoli?"

Heavy breathing filled the air. Jane froze, her palm on the ground, her other hand supporting the phone. She forced the lump in her throat down. She peered under the dumpster where all she could see was a rat, a used condom and an empty doughnut box.

"Hello? I can hear you breathing. You've called me every day for weeks, what the fuck is going on?"

The call ended abruptly. Jane turned back to Maura, busy prodding the body with her gloved hand. Jane closed her eyes.Her body alert to dangers around her. She gritted her teeth, in the hope of warding off her demons. She stared again at Maura, the space between her breasts on show for only Jane to see. She chewed her bottom lip. Her whole body tingled with the anticipation of their next night together.

"Rizzoli!"

Jane jumped up, narrowly missing the side of the dumpster. She cursed under her breath and turned to face Korsak, stood on the other side of the fence.

"You found anything?"

"Not unless you want a used condom as evidence." She slipped her cell back into its holder.

"Keep looking."

x

"Are you sure you don't mind him staying over?" Jane asked, balancing her cell phone between her ear and her shoulder. She slammed the car door shut. "I don't want a repeat of last time."

"It's fine, Jane. He's already asleep." Maura paused. "The second he starts screaming, I'll drive him over to your house."

Jane walked around the car. "He hasn't had a nightmare in nearly two weeks, it's not that unusual, but he's only just started seeing Sonya. I don't think it's connected."

"Whether it is or not, I'm happy to keep him here."

"Thank you." Jane lifted the trunk and retrieved a couple of shopping bags. "I owe you one."

"I think you've repaid me in kind many times over the last few days."

Letting out the smallest of growls, Jane sighed. "I can hear you moaning, are you moaning?"

"The children are asleep."

"I know, you said."

"No, Jane." Maura paused. "The children are asleep…so I'm alone."

"I see." Jane slid both bags over one wrist and closed the trunk. "So it was moaning."

"What do you think?"

She sighed. "I think I should be there with you."

"You need your rest if you're going to be on call all night."

"There's no guarantee anyone will even call me." Jane locked her car and headed up the front path. "Besides, they'll be calling you too."

"Not tonight."

Jane clicked her tongue, her body sprang to life. Her mind sped through several scenarios, all leaving her with heightened senses. "What are you doing now?"

"I'm not going to do this."

She pushed open the front door with her shoulder and stumbled across the threshold. She sighed. "Spoilsport."

"You need your rest."

She fumbled on the wall for the light switch, bathing the living area in a bright light. She dropped the bags onto the counter and took each item out one by one. "I also need to do something about this constant feeling inside of me."

"The honeymoon period."

"You feel it too, though, right?" Jane pulled open the fridge door and put milk, cheese and a bottle of orange in their rightful locations. "That's why your breathing is so heavy."

"Yes. I'm constantly aroused. I could barely contain myself at the crime scene earlier."

"What are you doing?" Jane shifted the phone from one ear to the other. She closed her eyes briefly. She folded the paper bag up and emptied the second one. "Are you getting yourself off?"

"You're getting me in the mood." Maura's voice drifted off.

A breath hitched in Jane's throat. She gripped the edge of the counter, her heart raced. "You're making it really difficult to finish putting away my groceries."

"Did you get the wine for dinner tomorrow?"

"Shit."

"You forgot?"

"No." Jane scrunched up the other bag and headed for the front door. "Left it in the car."

She headed back out onto the street. The night was closing in; every last sign of daylight had vanished. She pressed the button on her keys and opened the side door. She felt around in the dark, her hand landed on the neck of the bottle as the light came on.

"Hey, Maur, can I call you back?" All she could hear was a gentle moan. Jane rolled her eyes. Goose pimples travelled across her skin. The night air cooled her hot skin. "Okay, I'll call you soon."

She spun around, locking her car behind her. She ambled back up the front steps. She placed the wine on the floor in the doorway as she was about to step inside.

"Jane?"

The voice was so familiar that she could barely breathe. She didn't turn at first. Her breath hitched in her throat, her body froze, unable to move, rendering her helpless.

"Jane. I know it's you."

She closed her eyes. Her heart thumped so fast it hurt. She leant forward; hoping that by some miracle when she turned around, the voice would be gone. She closed her eyes, keeping her head down. She twisted back towards her car.

She opened her eyes.

He stood in front of her. Taller than the last time she saw him. His hair had grown out and he had fuzz on his chin. She attempted to swallow, but razor blades travelled over her throat. She pressed her tongue to the roof of her mouth, creating saliva. It barely stopped the pain, as she forced herself to hold it together.

"Aren't you gonna say anything?"

She forged a smile, her shoulders hunched. "Hi, Tommy."


	5. Chapter 5

**Author Note : This is my last update before I go away for 8 days. I hope I'll feel able to write while I'm away but it's a rarity. We shall see. In the meantime, here is the next chapter. I've had to put Blank Page down for a while, it's too difficult, it's not currently working out. Until next time...**

* * *

She reached forward, pulling him tightly into her arms. Her heart leapt into her throat. She closed her eyes and breathed in the unfamiliar scent of her brother's skin. He lifted his hand to her back and they stood together in silence.

Jane brushed her cheek and sniffled. She held him at arm's length. "Look at you. You got taller."

"You're exactly the same," he whispered, his voice cracked. He pressed his lips together, his hands dug deep into his pockets. "Hairs still a mess and voice is a bit manlier."

She smacked him playfully on the arm. "Hey!"

"Kidding!" he shrugged. "You landed on your feet?"

"Kinda." She glanced up at the house, wistfully. Her cell phone buzzed. Maura. She sighed. Forging a smile she lifted her gaze. "You wanna drink?"

"You got beer?"

Jane tilted her head to one side. "You got beer? Do I look like someone who only drinks wine?"

He shrugged. "Wouldn't know."

She reached her hand out to his head, running her fingers through his hair. They made their way, side by side, into the house. "It's so good to see you."

"Likewise."

She took two beers out of the fridge and placed them on the table in front of the couch. Tommy sat with his elbows resting his knees, his hair still tussled. She sat beside him, relaxing back against the couch. She felt constantly alert, though she tried to show nonchalance.

"What you doing here, kid?" She handed him a beer, supping her own. "It's been seventeen years. Why now?"

He leant back, his eyes fixed on Jane's. "Why not now?"

Maura's name flashed across her cell phone again. She gritted her teeth, and pressed down on the off switch, until her phone shut down. She placed it on the table.

"You ignoring someone?"

"Something like that." They sat in silence, drinking beer. The house was deathly quiet. It was rarely so quiet. Whether Charlie was mumbling away playing on the floor, or Isabeau was bugging him, or Maura was there talking about wine, or cheese, or the French Revolution. She closed her eyes. She hated the silence. "What you doing now, Tom?"

"Bit of this, bit of that."

"That's it?"

"What do you expect? A Nobel Peace Prize?"

Jane raised her eyebrows, her eyes fixed on his cheeks, on his nose, on his hair. She could see the teenager he used to be, the little boy she remembered the most. She choked back tears, pushing them down until she could speak confidently again. "I hoped you'd make something of your life."

"I do alright." He sat up, lifting the bottle to his lips. He swallowed. "Took over Rizzoli and Sons last year."

"Really?" She sat back, her eyes bugged. "Why?"

He averted his gaze, his eyes danced across the bottle in his hands and over to the window on the other side of the room. A sense of foreboding filled Jane with dread. She reached her hand out to his wrist.

"Tell me."

"Pop died."

An overwhelming sense of emotion flooded her, dragging her under the ocean she'd been swimming over the last few months. She closed her eyes in an attempt to picture the man who brought her up, the man who taught her how to fit a tap, or fix a leak. Her mind filled with pictures of the man who made her love baseball, and burgers. The man who handed her her first bottle of beer at fourteen. Tommy's hand landed on her arm and she opened her eyes again. He stared at her, his eyes so much more like their father's than Jane ever remembered.

"When?" she asked, her voice broke under the strain.

"Coming up to six months."

The second knife pushed its way into her heart, leaving her breathless. She dropped her beer onto the table and stood up. She marched over to the back door and out into the yard. The heavens had opened at some point since she invited Tommy inside.

"I'm sorry." He stood in the doorway. "I wanted to tell you before."

She spun around, her eyes fixed on her brother's. The rain soaked her clothes, seeping straight through to her skin in seconds. She held her arms out at her sides and dropped them against her thighs. "Why should you? I wasn't there. You didn't know where I was."

"I did."

Her breath caught in her throat. She choked back gasping sobs. She leant forward, her palms against her knees. She couldn't find the words.

"I'm sorry." He stepped closer, resting his hand against her back. She turned around and allowed him to envelope her in his arms. She rested her head against his neck and cried like a baby. She didn't really know what the tears were for; grief? Guilt? Regret?

She pushed Tommy away, slapping him hard across the shoulder. "You fucking dickhead."

"Ma didn't know, none of them did. I was gonna tell you but then you disappeared again."

She ran her hands through her hair, her wet curls stuck to her cheeks. She stared up at the sky, water splashed down across her face. "How did it happen?"

"Heart attack, he'd had problems for a while." Tommy placed his hand on her shoulder. She balked, but didn't push him away again. "He was fixing the Radowski's kitchen sink for the five hundredth time."

Jane's lips curved involuntarily. She stared at Tommy. Her eyes filled with fresh tears. "I should have been there."

"She didn't want you to know."

"She doesn't have a right!" Jane shook her head so fast that her hair hit her in the eye. She rubbed it, the pain increased. She groaned loudly. "You should have told me!"

"I know." He slipped his hand across her back and stepped closer. "That's why I got a PI."

"You what?" Jane pushed him away again. Rain dripped off the sides of his face. "Someone's been following me?"

"It's not like that." He tossed his arms up in the air. "I didn't wanna know about your life, just where to find you. You've moved around so many times recently it was next to got your number but I didn't know what to say."

"It was you?"

"What was me?"

"The person who's been calling and hanging up." She kicked the grass; the toe of her boot made a hole in the wet earth. "I had no idea who it was, you fucking scared me."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." He shrugged, his lips curved. He pushed his hands into his pockets. "I wanted to see you again."

"You don't even know me."

"So?"

"So, you shouldn't be here." She turned away. Her heart raced. The rain continued to splash down across her cheeks, merging with fresh tears. "I need you to go."

"Okay." He headed back to the door, shaking his head, sending water flying. "I'm gonna be in town for a while. I'll leave my number on the table."

He disappeared into the house. Jane waited. Her heart thumped quickly, her whole body felt exhausted. She wondered how much time had passed, how much sleep she'd missed out on by inviting her brother into the house. She twisted round. The house was silent again. She stepped inside, stripping down to her underwear. She tugged the blanket off the back of the couch and wrapped it around her shoulders, sitting down. She curled up into the foetal position and closed her eyes.

x

She woke with a pounding head and fresh tears across her face. A multitude of harried dreams dissipated, leaving her with only a sense of dread and pain. She tried to move, but her sleeping position made her bones ache. She sat up suddenly and reached for her cell, turning it on.

Eight missed calls. Four voicemails. It was almost nine in the morning. She lay back against the couch and lifted the phone to her ear. "Hi, this is Rizzoli. Can you pass a message onto Detective Korsak for me? I'm sick. Been throwing up all night, can't get out of bed. Won't make it into work."

She burrowed down, hugging the blanket around her shoulders. She closed her eyes and listened to the first message.

"This is a message for Detective Rizzoli. We tried to call about a homicide but you didn't pick up. We'll try again soon."

The phone beeped and moved on to the next message.

"Detective Rizzoli, we've attempted to call you a half dozen times. I don't know why you're not picking up but we're gonna call Detective Korsak."

The next message.

"Jane. I don't know where the hell you are but I do not appreciate being woken from my sleep when you're on call. Call me. We need to talk."

She leant back, her eyes still closed. She felt a wave of nausea, the pounding in her head barely faltered.

"Next message. Eight thirty-six am. 'Jane, it's Maura.'" She sat up, her heart leapt into her throat. "Where are you? I'm concerned. Detective Korsak said that you failed to attend the crime scene early this morning. Please call me."

She rolled off the couch and stood up. The blanket slipped off her back as she moved into the kitchen. She retrieved a couple of painkillers and washed them down with a glass of water.

Her cell buzzed against the coffee table. She rushed back to the couch, dropping down onto the cushions. She answered her phone.

"Rizzoli."

"Jane!" Maura's voice sounded so relieved. Jane chewed on her lip, anything to stop the threat of tears impacting on her voice.

"I've just heard that you're sick."

"Yeah." Jane rested her elbows against her knees and her head against her hand. "Not been right since I went to bed."

"Is that why you didn't answer my calls?"

"Yeah." She closed her eyes. The lies felt uncomfortable on her tongue, leaving her with a sense of regret. It merged into the overwhelming grief that swirled around her body. She bit harder on her lip. The taste of blood distracted her. "I'll be okay."

"I was going to drop Charlie round later, would you like me to hold onto him?"

"Please." Her bottom lip quivered. Tears dropped from her eyelids. She missed him. She longed to sit with him on the couch and watch baseball, or cartoons. She pushed her feelings to one side. "Just another day or two. I'll be okay."

"Are you sure?" Maura sighed. "I'll come round later."

"No." Jane gritted her teeth. "I'm fine. I don't want you to get sick too."

"Okay. I love you," Maura said.

"Yeah." Jane hung up the phone and dropped it onto the carpet beside the couch. She rested her head against the pillows and let her feelings wash over her.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author Note : Hello there! I'm back. I had a lovely week in Dubrovnik, I even got a photo in the same spot as the photo of Sasha from last summer. I also saw 80 different cats. It was amazing. I am the silliest person in the world, though, because this chapter was written. It just needed a final read through. It took my writing the next chapter to remember it existed. Oops.**

* * *

A loud knocking pulled Jane from fretful sleep. She turned over, tumbling off the couch and onto the floor, her chin collided with the table, her jaw reverberated inside her mouth. She sat on the floor, stunned. Her jaw ached. Her mouth filled with the taste of blood. The pounding continued. Using the table and the couch, she pulled herself up and ambled across the room. With bleary eyes she stared into the darkness in an attempt to see clearer. She took one quick glance at herself in the mirror in the hall, her hair was disheveled and she had a cut on her chin that bled profusely. She opened the door.

"Maura!" She squinted. The moonlight bathed her in light. She could only imagine what she looked like.

Maura's eyes grew wide. Charlie sat against her hip, his grin large. Before either of them could speak, he reached out his arms and she scooped him up and held him close.

She carried him into the house and up the stairs. By the state of Maura's dress, she assumed it was late, or early. Charlie clung to her front, his arms and legs wrapped tightly around her body. She lowered him into his bed, but he didn't let go.

"Come on, Chuck," she said, brushing his hair back across his head. "It's bed time. You know, it's dark out. That means you should be sleeping."

"No!"

She sighed and climbed in beside him, forgetting momentarily that Maura had been downstairs. Her heart ached. Her head still pounded. She needed a drink so badly but she couldn't move.

A little tap on the bedroom door alerted her to Maura's presence. She half hoped maybe she'd have gone home. If only to avoid having the conversations that left Jane breathless. She didn't answer the door. After a second lot of tapping, Maura pushed it open and knelt on the floor beside the bed.

"Let me clean that up," she said, a small amount of medical supplies in her arms. Jane turned on the bed, holding Charlie at her side, whilst twisting her neck to face Maura. "I would ask what happened but considering your lack of communication I'm going to assume you don't want to talk."

She opened an antiseptic wipe and cleaned the wound slowly. Jane winced as the alcohol touched her broken skin. The pain finally hit her and fresh tears skirted down from her eyes, landing on the bedsheets under her head.

"Charlie woke up screaming." Maura applied a bandaid, and ran her fingers across Jane's head. She kissed her cheek and sat back. "As soon as we pulled up at the house he stopped. He knew I was bringing him home."

He rolled over, releasing Jane's arm. She turned fully onto her side, facing Maura. Her eyes were red, her chin still stung. She reached out in the dark, cupping Maura's cheek with her hand. She propped herself up with her elbow and moved in closer, brushing her lips against Maura's.

"Thank you."

Maura lowered her head, cutting off the embrace. "I don't know whether to be angry or concerned."

"If I were you," Jane whispered, trailing her fingers across Maura's wrist. "I'd run a mile in the opposite direction and never look back."

Maura stared at her. Her eyes fixed on Jane's, holding her there. Jane's eyes filled with tears again. She could barely see through the blur. Maura's wrist disappeared. The shadow of her exiting the bedroom filled her view. She leant her head flat against the pillow, her chest ached and she could barely catch her breath.

A minute later, the door opened again. Every doubt that filled her mind, every regret she had over her previous words, dissipated. Maura dropped a blanket on the floor, laying a pillow at the top end. She lay down beside Jane, clutching her hand.

Jane turned over, pushing her face against the pillow as she sobbed harder. Her hand still wrapped around Maura's. When Charlie's breath evened out and she was certain he was sleeping, she crawled off the bed and onto the floor.

"I'm sorry." She nuzzled her face against Maura's neck and curled up in her arms.

"It's okay." Maura ran her hand across the back of Jane's head, holding her close. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. Just sleep, we can talk tomorrow."

x

At six, Jane ambled downstairs and brewed a fresh pot of coffee. Most mornings she drank instant, but the pounding in her head had barely subsided and she needed something stronger. She resisted the urge to make it Irish and went into the yard. The storm had passed over. The grass was sodden from two days of heavy rainfall. A slight chill tickled her bare arms. She tipped a chair, knocking off the water, before sitting down. It wasn't yet dry, but she didn't really care.

"How are you feeling?"

She twisted in her seat. Maura walked up behind her, resting her hand on Jane's shoulder. She grasped it, holding her close. "I feel hungover."

"That's how you hurt your chin?" Maura narrowed her eyes and perched on the other chair beside her.

"No!" She turned her whole body and clutched Maura's hands in her lap. "I had one beer the night before last."

"Really?"

"Did I look drunk to you?"

"I suppose not."

"If I was hungover, I'd tell you. God, Maura," she ran her fingers through her hair. "I'd tell you if I murdered someone."

"Yet you won't talk to me. You won't count on me when things are hard."

"I let you keep Charlie, didn't I?"

Maura pursed her lips and sat back. She sprang up again, a patch of water soaked through her clothes. Jane laughed. She covered her mouth, but it was too late, her shoulders shook.

"It's not funny."

"It kinda is."

"Okay." Maura smirked. "I suppose it is. I hope you've got some clean clothes for me to change into."

"What's mine is yours." Jane's leant over and pressed her lips to Maura's cheek. Her breathing intensified. "You should keep some here."

"Clothes?"

"Why not?" Jane shrugged. "You're here often enough."

Maura lowered her head, sitting back down against the wet seat, her eyes fixed on Jane's hands in her lap. She went silent. Jane felt her resolve crumble.

"Unless you don't want to."

"It's not that." Maura held her fingers up to her mouth. "I love you. I want this to work out. I want you to feel like you can trust me with your soul."

Jean leant to one side, lowering her head against Maura's shoulder. She heaved a sigh. Her whole body relaxed against the arm that snaked around her body.

"I found out my Pop died."

"Your Pop?"

"My dad." She choked back tears. "My brother hired a PI, he's been calling me and hanging up the phone. He turned up here. We drank beer. He told me about Pop. He's been looking for me for six months. He died six months ago and I didn't know."

Without words, Maura moved her chair round and enveloped Jane in her arms, tugging her close, her lips pressed against the tears on her cheeks. Jane closed her eyes and sunk into her arms, losing herself in the comfort of her warm body.

"If I'd known, I'd have been here," Maura said, her breath hot against her cheek. "You didn't have to do this alone. You could have talked to me."

"I know." Her voice broke under the strain. "I wanted to. I just didn't know where to begin."

"You didn't need to begin anywhere." Maura cupped her cheeks and held her face steady. "Just tell me you need me. Even if you don't want to tell me what's going on. Tell me you need me and I'll be there. Every time."

Leaning forward, Jane rested her forehead against Maura's and stared into her eyes. Her heart swelled. For the first time in a long time, all she could see was love and hope, and it left her breathless.

Maura trailed her fingertip across her cheek and down the side of her chin. She sighed. "Did you brother do that? Is that why you don't see your family anymore?"

She closed her eyes and lowered her head. "I fell off the couch when you knocked on the door. Tommy wouldn't hurt me. It was just a stupid accident."

"Your brother's name is Tommy?"

"Yeah." Jane interlinked her fingers with Maura's. She brushed their lips together and stared into her eyes again. "I have two, they're younger. The last time I saw Tommy he was fifteen."

"You don't need to tell me about him."

"Maybe I do." She sat back, staring out across the grass. A bird flew down, nibbling at the earth. "Maybe I need to tell you everything."

"Eventually." Maura slid her chair a little closer, and pulled her back into her arms. "But it doesn't have to be right now. Losing your father is going to be difficult, no matter what the relationship was like. I don't know what happened, or why you didn't get to know that he died. All I know is that something about it has sent you into a spiral, and I'm here for you. Whether you tell me now, or next week, or next month. I'm here, and I want you to lean on me."

"Thank you." Jane shook her head. "I don't deserve you."

"I know that's not true."

"Yeah."


	7. Chapter 7

**Author Note : Thanks for the comments on the last chapter and for reading it. I was hoping to post the next day but I was looking after my nephew, and then I got sick. It wasn't pleasant! I slept on a tilted couch and for some reason ended up really dizzy. Horrible night which nearly ruined my day with my nephew.**

* * *

"I spoke to the neighbour, he's not seen her in weeks. He said she went out one day with a large bunch of sunflowers, and that was the last he saw of her."

Korsak circled 'sunflower seeds' on the whiteboard. "That'd explain this."

"Hardly." He frowned. She pointing at the picture of the victim. "Most people who give or receive cut flowers don't end up with the flower's seeds in their lungs."

"True."

"What sort of deranged dick do you have to be to force someone to breathe in plant seeds?" Jane took the woman's picture from the board and held it out in front of Korsak. He took it. "She's a Kindergarten teacher in a good area. She doesn't have angry teenagers looking for revenge, hell, she shouldn't have angry parents looking for revenge!"

Korsak pointed to two more pictures on the board. "That leaves her ex and her brother."

"Her ex has no record, no reports of domestic abuse. The brother is a pastor." Jane folded her arms. She lifted her hand to her mouth as her brain tried to connect the pieces of evidence together. "We're missing something."

"Let's have a break," Korsak said, sticking the photo of the woman back on the board. "Get some lunch, have a bit of sunshine, whatever. Come back in an hour and we can review."

"No." Jane rested her hands on her hips and stared at the board, her eyes fixed on the evidence in front of her.

"Jane, take a break."

"I'm good." She walked over to her desk, took out a notepad and redrew the timeline from the board. "The brother was in China until he flew back two days ago, right?"

"You don't have to do this."

"I do." She scribbled down what information she could remember. "What about the ex? What's his timeline?"

He stood beside her, his eyes fixed on her as she worked. She could feel his glare, but continued anyway.

"Okay." Korsak snatched the pen out of her hand. "You messed up. You're grieving. You don't have to solve this thing tonight."

She gritted her teeth and stared at him. "I'm good, Korsak. Enjoy your lunch."

Fifteen minutes later, he dropped a boxed sandwich on her desk and pulled up a chair. She smiled, grateful.

"Catch me up."

"Not much more to say," Jane said. "The only thing I can find is that Gemma's daily routine, based on the calendar on her cell, overlaps what her ex-boyfriend told us about the day she died. He visited the same gym as her in the morning, he ate in the same cafe over lunch, an hour after Gemma, and he dropped by the same florist we've identified as the source of the sunflowers."

Korsak turned her scribbled notes around and glanced at them. "Maybe we should retrace these steps. What about the brother?"

"He's in China."

"Not on the day she died." Korsak circled the locations listed on the timeline. "Has he ever visited these places? Is there anything that puts him in the same place as his sister and her ex? Given time of death, he had just enough time to make his flight."

Jane was up and out of her seat within a couple of seconds. "Let's have another chat with the brother."

Korsak gripped her arm, holding her a foot from her desk. "Eat something."

"You drive," she said, handing him the keys. "I'll eat in the car."

x

Throwing herself down on the couch, Jane let out a long groan. She watched Maura from across the room, working diligently at her desk. Once she'd finished typing, she lifted her head. Jane stared at her, and they shared only comfortable silence. Maura closed her laptop, set aside a couple of files, and walked across the room.

"What is it?"

"Why does it have to be something?" Jane asked.

"From what I understand you've been working constantly since you arrived this morning." Maura sat down beside her. "If you don't take a break soon, you're going to run yourself into the ground."

"Korsak ratted me out?" She slouched further into the couch cushions, pulling a pillow into her arms. She gave it a squeeze.

"He didn't rat you out." Maura grasped her hand and held it in her lap. "He's worried. I'm worried. I know you love your job but even you can't work non-stop for two weeks without taking so much as a breath."

"I breathe." Jane pushed her hand away. "I push myself into work when there's other things going on. It's not a crime."

"No." Maura sighed. "But it's not healthy."

"I don't know what you want from me," Jane shouted, standing up. She waved her arms out at her sides. "I'm trying my best here. Isn't that good enough?"

"This isn't about doing your best. I'm concerned about your wellbeing. I'm concerned about Charlie."

"Charlie?" Jane gritted her teeth, her fist clenched at her side. "What about Charlie?"

"You're clearly struggling with your grief."

"Am I?" Jane scoffed. "Am I clearly struggling?"

Maura stood up, her hand outstretched to Jane's arm. She pulled it back as Maura spoke. "Don't push me away."

"My son is fine. I am fine. Don't tell me what to fucking do!"

"That's not what I'm doing."

"It is."

Maura pressed her lips together. She retreated a few steps, her eyes fixed on Jane. "I'm sorry. I'm trying my best, but I can't help you if you don't tell me what you need."

"I need you to back off," Jane shouted, heading back out the door.

x

Clutching Charlie in her arms, Jane leant her face against the side of his neck. She rapped her knuckles against the door and waited. In the silence, she tried to count to a hundred, anything to ward off the threat of tears. Eventually, she heard the door open and lifted her head. Alejandro stood in the doorway, his eyes downturned.

"Maura's not here yet." He stepped aside. "Come in."

Jane crossed the threshold and lowered Charlie onto a dining chair beside Isabeau, who greeted him with the largest of smiles. She slouched into the seat beside him. She nibbled on the inside of her lip.

"I can call."

"No." Jane stared at the salt and pepper grinders, counting the tiny granules of salt that spread across the table.

Alejandro placed a plate of pasta on the table in front of her, and a second plate in front of Charlie. He handed them both a fork, and she ate quickly, conscious of the rumble in her stomach. Despite feeling hungry, she filled up after a couple of mouthfuls and pushed her plate aside.

"She's been here ten minutes," Alejandro said.

Jane turned, her eyes landed on Maura stood across the room. She opened her mouth but no words would come out. She felt a tingling on her lips. She pressed them together so hard it hurt. Maura tilted her head to one side. Jane pushed her chair back so fast it tumbled onto the floor, and she skidded across the room before vomiting into the sink.

"Beau, Charlie, come upstairs," Alejandro said, scooping Charlie into his arms. Isabeau jumped down from her seat and followed them out of the room.

Resting her hands against the side of the sink, Jane stared at the regurgitated pasta covering a mug and some cooking utensils. She felt her stomach contract, and she dry heaved briefly, before leaning back against the counter. Her chest heaved with heavy breath.

"Here," Maura said, handing her a glass of water.

She sipped it slowly, conscious of the uncomfortable feeling in her stomach. She placed the glass on the counter beside her and glanced down at the floor. Maura moved around her. Water splashed into the sink. Jane stayed silent.

Maura pursed her lips. "Are you going to explain the bruises on your neck?"

"Nothing to explain." Jane shrugged, tugging at the edge of her shirt. "I fell."

"You fell." Maura opened the dishwasher and loaded the dishes. "Did you lie to me?"

"When?"

"When you told me your brother didn't hurt you. Did he come back and do that?"

"No!" Jane ambled across the room, her tender stomach settled quicker than expected. She sat down on the lounge chair and ran her hand through her hair. "Charlie got mad. He didn't realise he hit me. It was an accident."

Maura stepped across the room, her eyes fixed on Jane. "Charlie did that?"

Jane shrugged. "He didn't mean to."

"Has he hit you before?"

"No."

"Are you telling me the truth?"

Jane lifted her gaze. She stared deep into Maura's eyes. Her heart raced. She glanced away again. "I thought I could cope with my Pop dying. It's been so long. I thought I'd put my family away. I thought they couldn't hurt me again."

"Again?" Maura stepped closer. She perched on the edge of the arm of the couch. "Is that why you haven't seen them? Did they abuse you?"

"No!" Jane's head shot up. "No. They didn't hurt me like that. That's not it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I'm sure." Jane leant forward, her elbows rested on her knees. Maura's hand was so close, but she didn't touch her. "I don't know how to grieve someone who loved me on his term."

"What do you mean by his terms?"

Jane shrugged. "What do you think?"

Maura reached her hand out and gripped Jane's wrist. "Because you're gay?"

She lowered her head again, shaking it side to side. She sat upright, sitting taller. Clenching her fists, she spat out her words. "All I ever did was try to be a good daughter and he fucking abandoned me when I needed him the most. He's a coward and I hate him."

"Do you hate him?"

"No." She leant forward, resting her head against Maura's lap. "I loved him. I loved him and he hurt me like no one ever has. I need you, Maura, I need you so much."


	8. Chapter 8

**Author Note : Thanks everyone - you're great! I'm ahead of myself by a chapter, which is good. But I'm not sure how much writing I'll get done this week. It's my last proper week of work. I have so much to do and so little time to do it in. Ugh! We shall see. I wasn't supposed to write when I was doing the final assignments for a degree, but I did, so who knows. My brain has more control than I do! Haha.**

* * *

Jane raced along the field, her feet pounding the ground. Charlie loosened his grip around her neck and lifted a hand into the air, riding like a cowboy in the Wild West. He giggled, a noise that filled her with so much joy she could barely contain the emotion. Isabeau ran ahead, her little legs toddling along. She stumbled and jumped straight back up. Maura moved forward on the picnic blanket, about to comfort her child, but Jane scooped her up and held her to her front. She giggled just as loudly as Charlie as Jane came to a stop beside the picnic blanket.

"The grass is lava!" Jane shouted, throwing Isabeau gently onto the blanket, then lowering Charlie down beside her.

"Mama!" Charlie shouted, pointing at her feet in the grass.

She jumped onto the blanket and sat down. "Wait, what did you just say?"

He grinned and reached out, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist. "No."

"That wasn't what you said." Jane looked to Maura. "You heard him, didn't you?"

"Charlie said Mama!" Isabeau shouted.

"Atta boy." Jane ran her hand through his hair and lifted him onto her lap. "Mama loves you so much."

Isabeau stood up and reached out, wrapping her arms around Jane's neck and sitting down on the small space left on her knee, her teeth bared. "Jane love me too?"

Narrowing her eyes, Jane glanced at Maura, her smile matching that of her daughter. She nodded her head, and Jane pulled Isabeau in close. "Course I love you too."

"Good." She kissed the side of Jane's cheek. "Love Jane."

"What about Mommy?" Maura asked.

Isabeau sprang off Jane's lap and landed on Maura, looping her arms around her neck and kissing her on the lips. "Love Mommy, always and to the infinity."

"I love you infinity times infinity," Maura said, holding her tightly. Maura reached over and ran her hand through Charlie's hair. "I love you, as well, Charlie."

He climbed off Jane's lap and shuffled across the blanket. Sitting down beside Maura, he grasped at her arm and rested his head against it.

"Who wants some grub?" Jane asked, breaking the silence. She opened the picnic basket and laid each item out one at a time. She gave her arms a gentle rub. "Definitely the last picnic. It's getting colder."

"It is Fall!" Maura placed a plate in front of each of the children and put a sand which on each. "Do you want apple or carrot sticks?"

"Carrot!" Isabeau shouted, snatching the paper bag out of her hands. Maura narrowed her eyes. "Sorry, Mommy."

"What do you say?"

"Carrots, please." She clutched the bag against her front. "Thank you, Mommy."

Maura held up a second bag of carrot sticks and a bag of apple. Charlie pointed to the carrots, then the apple, then lifted his other hand so he pointed to both. She laid them down in front of him. "You can have both if you want!"

Jane handed Maura a plate and started eating her own sandwich. She watched as Maura helped Charlie put the straw in his juice box, and Isabeau stared at Charlie's apple slices until he handed a couple over. Her jaw ached and she could barely contain herself.

"He's never been so happy," Jane whispered.

Maura trailed her hand across Jane's back. "I'm sure that's not true."

"It is." Jane sighed. "Before the fire things weren't easy. It was me and him, and I'd get annoyed at him frequently. We had fun but it was never enough."

"You did your best."

"My best was never good enough." She pushed her plate aside and sipped her bottle of water. "He deserves a family and I could never give him that."

"Yes, you did." Maura slid her hand around Jane's shoulder and nuzzled her face against her neck. "He adores you, Jane. You're his world. I can see that. I saw it from day one. He's your world too. I'm envious in many ways."

"Why?"

"Isabeau loves her daddy. I'm the Mommy who doesn't play games or be silly. I teach her things, I guide her. Alejandro is the fun parent. You're the fun parent."

"You're fu...you're kidding me, right?" Jane scoffed. "You and Isabeau are different but she clearly looks up to you."

Maura sighed. "This isn't a competition about who is the better parent. Being a mother comes natural to you, it doesn't come as natural to me. That's a fact I've always known."

"Maura."

"I don't need your sympathy. It's fine."

"It's not sympathy, or a competition. You're twice the mother I could ever be and that's just a fact."

She folded the remainder of the wrapping from the sandwiches up. "You don't need to say that Jane."

"I'm not!" She gripped her hand, tossing the wrapping aside, and held it in her lap. "Sometimes I'm too busy with the fun I miss the important shi...zzle. Like Charlie needing a therapist."

Maura shrugged, her eyes downturned. "That's the doctor in me."

"It's the mother and the doctor."

Maura leaned in close, her lips brushed against Jane's. "Thank you."

"That's it?" Jane asked.

"What else do you want me to say?"

Jane shrugged and cupped her cheek. "I want you to acknowledge that you're a great mother."

"I'm a good mother." Isabeau held her hands out, sticky with cheese and breadcrumbs. Maura handed her a napkin. "I'm just not a fun mother."

"You're plenty fun!" Jane rested her head against Maura's, and kissed her again. She brushed a strand of hair back behind her ear. "You built volcanoes that erupt last week, and they loved that."

"It's science," she said, shrugging.

"Science can be fun! Fun and educational."

Maura pressed her lips together. "It was fun to watch their faces light up!"

"See!"

Maura sat back, her eyes fixed on Jane's. "You make them laugh every day that we're together."

She sighed. Across the park, a man threw a stick and his dog chased after it. She slipped her arm around Maura's waist. "We make a good team."

x

Hand in hand, Jane walked up the street towards her home. Charlie's arms were wrapped tightly around her neck, while Isabeau clung to Maura's hand on the other side. She was happy. Happier than happy. For the first time in two weeks she felt the weight of the world shift from her shoulders.

"Meeting you was the best thing I ever did," Jane said, standing in front of Maura. She clutched her arm and leant in close. Maura rested her hand on the side of Jane's neck, deepening the kiss until Jane became breathless. She pulled back.

"Ew!" Isabeau said, covering her hands. "Not you too."

"Sorry, Beau," Jane said, covering her eyes and leaning back in again. "I love your Mommy."

"I love you too." Maura licked her bottom lip and stepped back. She glanced up at the sky as it rumbled loudly. "I think another storm is coming. We'd best get inside."

Jane turned, resting her hands on Charlie's legs, holding him steady as she carried him towards the front of the house. She froze.

A woman stood up from the doorstep. Her light brown hair hung loose over her shoulders. A lump formed in the back of Jane's throat. She couldn't move.

"Hello, can we help you?" Maura asked, stopping beside Jane. She rested a hand on Isabeau's back, holding her close.

Jane lowered Charlie onto the floor and walked forward. She tried to speak but her tongue felt too big in her mouth. Closing the gap between them, the woman lifted her hand and brought it down against her cheek so hard that Jane stumbled backwards a little.

"Mama!" Charlie shouted, stepping towards her. He wrapped himself tightly around her legs. Jane scooped him into her arms and clung to him. Tears skirted down her cheeks, easing the sing of the hand on her face.

"Jane, are you okay?" Maura stepped up beside her. "You need to leave before I call the police."

"The police?" The woman scoffed. She looked to Jane. "It's true."

"What's true?" Jane asked, finding her voice momentarily. She placed a hand across, stopping Maura as she stepped further forward. "Don't. It's okay."

"It's not okay. You have a child."

"Yeah." She shrugged. "What's it to you?"

Maura wrapped her hand around Jane's arm. "What's going on, Jane?"

"Maur, this is my mother, Angela. Ma, this is my girlfriend."

"I know." Angela spat out her words. "I saw you two kissing in the park."

"That's why you slapped me?"

"In the park, Jane!" She glowered. "There's children in the park. These children."

She lowered her head. Heat barely dissipated from her cheek. At her side, Maura slipped her hand into Jane's and gave it a gentle squeeze, staying silent. She looked up again.

"My child. My girlfriend's child. They know we're together. We're a family. Maybe you've forgotten what a family should be like." Jane let go of Maura's hand and rested her arm around her shoulders. "I love her and I'm going to be with her no matter what you have to say about it."

Angela stood up tall, her teeth pressed tightly together. "I wanted to see you. Now I wish I hadn't bothered. Your father would be so ashamed."

Jane gritted her teeth. Her heart pounded. "The only person who should be ashamed is you. Charlie is your grandson and all you can do is slap me and call me out for kissing someone I love in public? I'm the one who should be ashamed."

"Fine." She pushed past Jane and headed towards a car on the far side of the house. "I hope you don't regret this."

"Never!" Jane shouted, as Angela climbed into the vehicle and drove off.

Maura opened her mouth, then closed it again. She gripped Jane's arm tightly. "I see where you got your feistiness from."


	9. Chapter 9

**Author Note : Thanks to everyone who is still around, I need to get writing because this is the last chapter already written. At least I'm off work on Thursday, so maybe there'll be time to write. I'm feeling a lot better now, thanks guys.**

* * *

The world felt somewhat heavier the longer Jane sat at the dining table with a packet of peas against her cheek. She breathed, but every breath felt like a weight against her chest, and every second extended onwards.

"How long til I can put the peas away?" she asked, lowering the packet.

"Another minute." Maura placed a mug of coffee on the table and sat beside her, nursing her own.

Jane sipped her drink, cherishing the familiarity of hot coffee in her mouth. She focused on the smallest of things, right down to the touch of Maura's fingertips on her wrist.

"She's never hit me before." Jane dropped the peas onto the table and stared out through the back door. Charlie sat on a chair, swinging his legs back and forth, flying an action figure around the space in front of him. Isabeau rushed towards him with a spaceship, emulating the sound of its engine. "I guess she's really pissed this time."

"She should never have done that."

"She should never have done a lot of things."

"Like what?"

"I probably should have told you before." Jane shrugged. "I didn't want to keep it from you. It was just part of this...the mess that is my life."

"I understand."

"Do you?" Jane scoffed. "Because I don't. I thought mothers were supposed to love you unconditionally. But she always sided with him."

"Your father?" Jane nodded. "She doesn't deserve you."

"After high school I went to college in Boston. Not your fancy pants BCU. I needed to get away from Worcester."

"Worcester?" Maura leaned forward. "That's why you were quiet when I was consulting on a case there. I thought you were just having a bad day."

"Nah." Jane stood up, picking up her coffee. She emptied the contents of the mug into the sink and gave it a rinse. "I grew up there. My other brother is a cop. He talked about it before I left. I didn't know if he'd actually go through with it. I listened out for the academy graduates. I wanted to know."

Maura turned in her seat. "Did you move to Boston because of your family?"

"Not really." Jane shrugged, leaning back against the kitchen counter. "Ma can be suffocating. I needed to live my life. I needed the space to find myself."

Standing up, Maura followed her across the room. "Did you?"

"Yeah." She lowered her head. "I met a girl in college. Met her in a society for people planning to join the military."

The gap between them shrunk. Maura stood so close Jane could feel her breath on her cheek. She lifted her gaze, locking her eyes with Maura's. She felt at peace with herself, and at war with the rest of the world.

"You wanted to join the military?" Maura asked.

Jane turned around and pulled a glass from the cupboard. "No. It was mostly military, but it also included anyone who wanted to join the police or fire."

"Did she want to be a police officer, too?"

"Nah. She was doing what I was doing; studying in the time we had before we could sign up. She was planning to become a firefighter." She ran her hand through her hair. Her attention fixed on the glass in front of her. She headed across the room and took a beer from the fridge. "I fell in love with her and it broke me."

"What happened?"

"I took her home. I thought maybe if I showed my parents how wonderful my girlfriend was, maybe they'd come around." She knocked the cap from the bottle and poured the contents into her glass. She hesitated a moment, gulping down the alcohol before she turned to face Maura. "Maybe they'd fall in love with her too and realise that she was special and worth having around. Instead we got into a fight. Pop said she wasn't welcome. Ma didn't say much, she just went along with him. It's ridiculous because she liked her, I could tell. She treated her like she treated the boyfriend I had in high school. But he fucked it up. We left that night and I've not been back since."

Maura tilted her head to one side. "At all?"

"Once." She finished the glass of beer, and refilled it, emptying the last of the bottle into her glass. Maura reached out, holding her hand away from her mouth. "They weren't home. I just wanted to see the place. Guess I hoped they'd appear out of nowhere and welcome me back, girlfriend or not. But they weren't there, and I was glad."

She placed the glass on the counter. Maura trailed her fingers along her wrist. "It won't do you any good. I know you think it helps you cope, but it masks your pain. Did they know when you had Charlie? Your mother seemed surprised."

"Yeah. She didn't know. She banged on about wanting grandchildren for years. It's all she went on about. How I should find a nice man like Casey, the guy I was seeing in school, settle down and start popping out babies. She'd be happier if I had kids at eighteen than this. I didn't want babies. I didn't want that life. I decided early on that I wasn't gonna have children. I didn't want to give her the satisfaction."

Maura narrowed her eyes. "Something must have changed..."

" _Charlie_. That's all." She turned away again. "I got pregnant on accident and I couldn't do anything about it. My parents aren't that religious. But the one thing I could never do was have an abortion. It didn't sit right with me."

"So you had Charlie.

"I did." She coughed, brushing aside a couple of stray tears. She dug her fingertips into the thigh of her pants. "I held him in my arms for the first time, and I thought about the mistake I'd made."

Maura's fingertips hovered over her arm. "The mistake?"

"I can't deny that I ever felt that way. Not to you." She couldn't control her emotions any longer. She looked into Maura's eyes, expecting to see a look of anger, or frustration. All she could see was pain, a sadness that matched her own. She leaned down, her forehead rested against Maura's. "Why are you so fucking understanding?"

"I love you," Maura said, tugging her hands up between them. "I see the pain in your heart and I know that I couldn't do anything to make that worse."

Jane shrugged. "I...I don't deserve you."

"You do." Maura gripped her hands tightly. "Don't you ever say otherwise. You love Charlie; I see how much you love him. I also know how hard those first few weeks can be. You can tell me anything, and it wouldn't change how I feel about you."

"It took a while, the first year was difficult. I was alone. I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't know Charlie. It took months to learn who he was, and I will never regret for a second carrying on with the pregnancy. It was fucking horrible at first but we found our way and I love him harder than I thought I ever would."

Looping her hands around Jane's, Maura pushed herself closer. "Why didn't you ever go back?"

"And have Ma act like I'd done something wrong by having a kid outside of marriage?" Jane rolled her eyes. "For not being very religious she still held on to a lot of their morals."

"Today was the first time you've seen her since you were, what, nineteen, twenty?"

"A week before my twentieth birthday. Most miserable fucking birthday I've ever had. No family. No girlfriend. Just me and a stupid fucking cupcake."

"What happened to your girlfriend?"

"We got into a fight on the drive back to Boston. She wasn't ready to be with someone with so much baggage. I just laughed in her face. Like she didn't have her own shit going on. Her parents were the perfect accepting parents. She had a charmed life." Jane lowered her head. "Funny thing perception, isn't it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Heard she killed herself a few years later. She failed the tests to join the fire department. She wasn't emotionally stable enough. That's what the inquest report said. Six times she tried and every single time she was rejected until it was too much. Guess she had some sort of underlying medical issue."

Maura's lips curved in sympathy. "Some people can't handle what life throws them, mental health is as important as physical health, if only there was more support out there for people with health needs."

Untangling herself from Maura's arms, Jane headed towards the door. Charlie sat on the grass a few feet away from the chair. She narrowed her eyes. "Wasnt..."

"Wasn't what?" Maura asked, stepping up beside her.

"Nothing." She shrugged. "He probably crawled."

"It's nearly dinner time, why don't we order pizza?"

Jane sighed. "Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you hadn't met Alejandro? If you hadn't had Isabeau? If you'd fallen in love with a girl at eighteen and never looked back?"

"No." Maura leant against the doorframe. "I don't tend to dwell on the past."

"Maybe if we'd worked out she'd still be alive," Jane said, staring out across the garden. She pressed her lips together. Charlie rolled around in the grass, giggling. "Maybe...Maybe if we'd worked out I wouldn't have Charlie."

"You don't mean that."

"Sure." Jane shrugged. "You win some, you lose some. I didn't get the girl, but I got a son I wouldn't change for the world."

"Do you regret leaving your family?"

"No." Maura narrowed her eyes. Jane turned again, holding Maura's gaze. She grasped her hand. Leaning forward, she brushed her lips against Maura's, barely pulling away again. "If I didn't leave, I never would have met you. Maybe my relationship back then would have worked out. Maybe I would have given up being in the police for my ex-girlfriend, or my kid. None of it really matters. I don't wanna think about a life without you."


	10. Chapter 10

**Author Note : I finish work on Tuesday, so I'm hoping that means I'll be able to write more (and not less!) - I have had a goal of walking 5km every day since the start of May, so hopefully without work, that will motivate me (since I write while walking). Here's another one...**

* * *

"There's nothing here," Jane said, pushing the couch cushion back into place and sitting down.

Korsak sat beside her. "As much as we were hoping he'd be our guy, maybe Maura's right. Maybe the DNA evidence is a red herring. Guy meets girl, guy has sex with girl, girl ends up being murdered by someone else."

"It's not impossible." Jane stared across the room, a tumbled mess of belongings not yet put back in their place. The rest of the team was still working on the bedroom, bathroom and spare room. She'd been so certain that he was the killer. It made perfect sense in a world that rarely did. "But how likely is it, really?"

Korsak shrugged. "Paul Hamerson said he's a nice guy. His colleagues, his ex-girlfriend, everyone said he's a nice guy."

"Nobody's that nice."

"Maybe this time we're wrong."

Across the room, a shirt slipped off the edge of the dresser. Jane stood up. They would have to tidy up eventually. She stepped over the pillows on the floor. She crouched down and picked up the shirt, returning it to its place on the dresser. She turned, her eyes landed on a large print on the wall above the couch.

"He's got wild taste," Jane said, heading back across the room. "Egyptian cotton sheets, mismatched cutlery, pencil drawings of landscapes in Europe. Then this. A splash of brightly coloured paint on a canvas."

"Maybe he wanted some colour." Korsak stood beside her, folding his arms as they analysed the picture.

"It doesn't fit the guy we've been told about, the guy we've met." Jane narrowed her eyes. She knelt on the edge of the couch and reached forward, peeling off a label with her gloved hand. "Price tag. Isn't worth much. Must be a generic print from some budget store. You think it's new?"

"From a label?" He shrugged. "My ex-wife never took the tags off pictures."

Jane stared at the small piece of sticky paper and stepped back down onto the floor. She took out an evidence bag and placed it inside. "Wait."

"What?"

She lifted up her glove. "Why does this label have blood on it?"

"Blood, or a reddish-brown stain?" he asked, smirking.

Jane rolled her eyes and pressed her lips together. "Don't you start!"

"It might be ink from the picture."

She knelt back up on the couch. "Help me get this down."

Korsak moved around the couch and carefully lowered the painting down. "Bingo!"

They placed the picture print side down on the floor. Jane folded her arms. "He's such a nice guy he has blood splatter on his wall."

x

"You were wrong!" Jane said, entering Maura's office with a huge smile on her face.

Maura tilted her head, and smirked. "Don't look so happy about it."

"You're never wrong." She slouched into the seat opposite Maura. "I'm going to bask in this knowledge all day."

"Pray tell, what is it that I'm wrong about?"

"Paul Hamerson. Big old blood splatter on his wall. Unlike normal people who actually try to clean it up, he bought a picture and hung it over the evidence."

Maura walked around her desk and perched on the edge, beside Jane. "The DNA evidence was correct."

"It was."

"Do you remember what I actually said?"

"When?"

"About the evidence."

"You said it could be a mistake. That sometimes people's DNA gets in places it shouldn't, and there is a chance that the evidence is wrong."

"A _chance_ , Jane." She leant in close. "I said that there's a chance, but that it would be unlikely for his DNA to be inside of a bullet wound. I said Paul Hamerson was likely to have killed her when he removed the bullet."

Jane narrowed her eyes. "Spoilsport."

Maura pressed her lips together and leant in closer, her lips millimeters from Jane's. Jane swallowed, her breath caught in her throat. Maura licked her lips. "You left early this morning."

She sat as far back as she could in the seat. Her skin tingled with anticipation. She tried not to smile, but her lips curved. " _You want me_."

"I want to _fuck_ you," Maura whispered, her lips so close that Jane could barely resist. "It makes me so hot when you think I'm wrong. The look on your face."

Jane cleared her throat. "Don't curse."

"Why not? Don't you like it when I talk about _fucking_ you?"

" _Fuck_." Jane rested her hands on the back of Maura's neck and pulled her in close, trailing her lips across her mouth. She pulled back, breathless. "You know it turns me on."

"Shall I lock the door?"

Jane let out a long, painful groan and extricated herself from Maura. She headed towards the open door. Her cheeks were flushed, she could feel it. "I told Korsak I'd be five minutes."

"What's another five?" Maura asked, following her across the room, a glint in her eye.

"Sorry." Jane lowered her head. "Not right now. It won't be long enough."

Maura stepped forward, closing the door before pushing Jane against it. Her breath caught in her throat again as Maura trailed her fingers along her thighs. She captured her lips, tugging them with her mouth, demanding her attention. She deepened the embrace. "I guess I'll just have to make sure you're ready later. Another hour and we'll have a whole hour to ourselves."

"We've got Charlie's appointment," Jane said, placing her hands on Maura's shoulders. She gritted her teeth. "Oh God. You make this so difficult."

"Walking away?"

"Breathing." Jane sighed. "Alejandro's bringing Charlie round in a half hour. I said I'd show him and Beau round the station before we leave. Do you think he'll look after them tonight?"

"We can ask."

x

"No so fast, Isabeau!" Jane shouted as she chased her down the corridor. "Wait for me by the door. No, the door you just ran past!"

"Silly Jane!" she shouted, wrapping her hands around her leg as Jane stopped beside her.

Jane frowned. "I think you're the one being silly! Isn't that right, Chuck?"

"No!" He giggled. "No, Mama!"

Jane rolled her eyes. "No ganging up on Mama."

"No Mama!" Isabeau said, giggling as she ran to the next door.

"I don't know what you're calling me Mama for," Jane said, rushing to catch up. "Your Mama's not going to be very impressed when she finds out how silly you're being in the police station."

She stopped in her tracks and ran back to Jane's side.

"There are a lot of important adults doing important work." Jane lowered her hand and waited for Isabeau to grip it before they set off again. "Mommy's floor is even more important than upstairs."

"Why?" Isabeau asked, skipping along at Jane's side.

"Upstairs we solve crimes, we find out who the bad guys are. Without Mommy and her colleagues the bad guys would get away with it."

" _Wow_!"

"We're here," Jane said, lowering Charlie onto the floor and pushing open the door to Maura's office.

"It's about time!" Maura said, stepping out from behind her desk and walking across the room.

"Maura!" Charlie shouted, running a few feet towards her. He collided with her legs, gripping his hands tightly around the back of her knees.

"You've started walking again." Maura pulled him up into her arms, lifting him off the floor slightly, before lowering him back sown.

Jane hesitated in the doorway. Her heart pounded inside her chest. Her breath hitched in her throat. "I thought you moved the other day, I just thought my eyes were playing tricks."

"No!" he shouted, turning around and giggling. He ran back across the room, clinging to Jane's legs. He looked flushed.

"Yes!" Jane said, scooping him into her arms and held him tightly. "The word you're looking for is yes."

"I know, Mama."

Jane placed him on the floor. She dropped onto the couch. "Seriously, kid? More words now, too? I am so proud of you."

He crossed the room again, sitting himself down beside Jane. "I'm happy, Mama."

She rested her hand around his shoulder and pulled him in close. Fresh tears skirted their way down her cheeks. "I'm happy too, kid. God, like you wouldn't believe."

"My legs hurt."

"I'm not surprised!" Maura said, perching on the chair opposite. "You need to build your leg muscles up again. The physical therapy should have been helping but you may need more."

Jane shook her head. "How is this happening?"

Maura gripped her hand. "He's happy."

"I know but...how does that make this happen? All at once?"

"We don't always know why children start talking or walking again if they've had emotional trauma. There's a high chance his therapy is working."

Jane chewed the inside of her lip until she tasted blood. "I thought that was gonna be it, forever."

"No." Maura shifted from the chair to the couch, Charlie sandwiched between them. "He was always going to get it back."

"I wasn't sure. I thought maybe he wouldn't recover."

"There's still a long way to go," Maura whispered, gripping her hand.

"Space for Beau!" Isabeau shouted, climbing on Jane's knee.

"Always," Jane said, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her close. She held Charlie even closer on her other side, and Maura wrapped her arm around them both. "I don't think I could have dreamed this."

"You don't need to." Maura kissed her cheek. "This is real life, and you deserve every second."


	11. Chapter 11

**Author Note : Bit of a shorter chapter but there's just nothing else that can go in this one. One more day left at work on Tuesday, so my brain should be free to think of fics soon.**

* * *

 _"Your father would be so ashamed."_

Jane sat up with a start, her heart raced inside her chest. She reached out to Maura, but the bed was empty. Fumbling around in the dark, she found her cellphone. It was nearly four in the morning. Her mouth opened involuntarily, and she stretched her arms high above her head.

 _"I saw you two kissing in the park…I wanted to see you. Now I wish I hadn't bothered."_

She shook her head. The last couple of weeks had been so fast paced that Jane had barely had time to breathe. Appointment after appointment had been arranged for Charlie, and in between she worked, slept and spent time with her family.

"Do you want me to stay?" Maura asked a few hours earlier. She wished she said yes. She wished she was there beside her, waiting to calm her fractured nerves. She wished for every night that they said goodbye to not feel quite so painful.

Jane pressed dial on her cell. When she heard Maura's sleepy greeting, she hesitated. It was late and decisions made in the middle of the night were not a good idea. "I'm sorry."

"Jane, what's wrong?" Maura asked, quickly waking up. "What do you have to apologise about?"

"It doesn't matter. I'm sorry I woke you."

"Jane."

She choked back tears. "I just needed to hear your voice."

"Has something happened? Talk to me."

"Nothing." Jane sighed. "I've been thinking about Ma. I had a bad dream."

"It's okay. I'm here. Tell me about it."

"Everything she said keeps going through my mind. I didn't reply the way I should have. I should have said more. I should have fought harder."

"Do you want to see her again?"

" _No_." She said it so quickly that she didn't give herself much time to think. Maura stayed silent and doubt crept in. " _She's my Ma._ "

"I know." Maura paused, the silence of the night suffocated the moment. Jane opened her mouth to speak, but Maura continued. "I understand what it's like to want something from someone who should be better."

"Right. Your parents." Jane sighed again, fresh tears blurred her vision. "When I was small I doted on my Pop. He was this big guy who made me feel safe. Frankie and Tommy looked up to him too. Poor Ma, all she really wanted was a daughter to dress up."

Maura scoffed.

"You should have seen the dresses she tried to put me in."

"I'd love to see photos."

"Not possible. I burned them all."

" _All_ of them?!"

"Yeah." Jane lay back against her pillow. "I wasn't an easy teenager. Ma did her best. The older I got the more I realised Pop wasn't that great to her. He was a conservative. He believed a woman should stay home with the kids and he should provide. Dinner on the table every night. Kids bathed and put to bed. He was the fun parent."

The onslaught of tears flowed down her cheeks, building with every second until her pillow was sodden. She rolled into one side, her voice cracked under the strain.

"It's okay to be upset." She longed to reach through to phone to Maura. "He died before you could make peace with any of that."

"I don't wanna be like him," Jane whispered. "I don't wanna be someone who cares more about what's traditional than what is."

Another silence descended over them. Jane listened intently to the sound of her own harried breaths. She couldn't breathe. The tears overwhelmed her.

"Ma deserved better." She wiped her cheeks with the corner of her shirt. "We all did. I just wish Ma could see it. After all these years, why doesn't she understand that his views were toxic?"

A car drove past the house, a shadow moved across the room. Jane cleared her throat. She'd spent too many nights crying over her family, wallowing in what could or should have been.

She shook her head. "Sorry. It's the middle of the night."

" _Jane_ ," Maura began, her voice small as it came through the phone.

"Yeah?"

"It's okay."

"Is it?"

"I love you. The last six months...I can't find the words I want to say. It's late. But meeting you was the best thing I've ever done. Your life hasn't been easy, and every day it feels like something else comes up. I'm here for you. _Every day._ No matter the time. I hope you know."

"I do." She swiped the back of her hand across her cheek. "I love you too."

Silence settled comfortably between them once again. The pain in Jane's heart settled. She wiped her face again and sat up. Decisions made in the middle of the night on a whim were not smart, but she'd had time to ponder, to consider, deciding whether she really wanted it.

" _Move in with me._ "

"Excuse me?"

"Move in with me."

"To your house?"

"Sure. Or your house. Or somewhere new. I don't care." Jane kicked the bedsheets away and climbed out of bed. "This is real. It's the realest it's ever been for me and I think you feel it too."

"I do."

"But?" Jane pushed her shorts down and grabbed a pair of pants.

"There's no buts."

"You hesitated."

"It's late, Jane. I'm half asleep."

She slipped her feet into the legs of the pants. She lost her balance and steadied herself against the bed. "Wait there."

Maura laughed. "Where am I going to go exactly? It's the middle of the night."

"Oh. _Yeah._ " She sat back down on the bed, her pants halfway up her legs. "Is it ridiculous to come over now?"

"What about Charlie?"

"Wouldn't be the first time I've taken him out in the middle of the night." She waited for Maura to speak but all she could hear was her breath on the other end of the line. "You're right. It's a ridiculous idea."

"Come over."

"Yeah?"

"If Alejandro still lived here I'd have been on my way the second you started crying. If you think Charlie will be okay, I want you here. I need you here."

" _Okay._ " She balanced the cell against her shoulder and tugged her pants up over her thighs. "I'll see you soon."

Rushing through the house, Jane lifted Charlie into her arms and carried him to the car. She belted him in and his lolled in sleep. She set off down the main road away from her home. Away from the house that gave her her life back. Everything that happened over the last six months had been because of Maura. She glanced back at Charlie as he slept on the back seat.

A year ago their lives were changed for the worse when the fire ripped through their apartment and every moment that followed up until meeting Maura made everything feel that much harder.

Her vision blurred again. She sniffed back tears and focused on the road ahead.

"Everything's gonna be alright now, Chuck," she said. "I promise."

She pulled up at a stop light. Her heart swelled with every passing second. She could barely contain her emotions. She longed to see Maura, to be with the woman who made her whole again. The lights changed to green and she put her foot on the gas.

The car spun out of control.

Her heart raced even faster. All she could think about was Charlie, and whether he was okay. The window smashed on the driver's side. Tyres skidded.

Then everything went dark.


	12. Chapter 12

**Author Note : I was going to write this sooner but I had to make vegan cake (a test run for my last day at work), see my dad (father's day), and also I found out that there was a Tedx event at Kakuma Refugee Camp (in Kenya) - the first Tedx event at a refugee camp (and it was streamed at another refugee camp in Kenya so a lot of people got to experience Ted who wouldn't normally)! It's really exciting, I look forward to watching some of the videos tomorrow. I imagine some of the talks will be very inspiring.**

 **But guess what? It's a slightly longer chapter than usual, so it balances out the last one...unintentionally on both counts!**

* * *

"I want her moved."

"No."

"You don't have a say in this."

Jane opened her eyes. She scrunched them up and opened them again. The lights were too bright. She squinted.

"Why do you want to go against her wishes?"

"I'm doing what's best for her and my grandson."

"Charlie is staying with me."

"You're not his mother. You have no parental claim over him."

She shifted slightly. She stared across at the doorway, where her mother stood opposite Maura. She let out the smallest of groans, but neither woman turned.

"He knows me."

"I'm his Nonna."

"That doesn't mean it's the best thing for him."

"She's poisoned you against me, hasn't she?"

She rolled her eyes. It hurt. She sighed. Everything hurt. She opened her mouth to speak. Her throat ached, like she swallowed sandpaper.

"No. It's not like that. I know what Jane wants, what she needs. This isn't it."

"I am taking them back to Worcester, or God help…"

"Is that a threat?"

"You bet it is."

Her voice was scratchy, and her throat hurt from speaking. She just couldn't stay silent any longer. "You're not religious, don't bring God into this."

"Jane!" Maura said, lifting her eyes, they lit up as they landed on Jane's.

Angela filled her vision, crouching down in front of her. "My baby!"

"Stop fighting." She pushed her hands away. "I'm not your baby."

She barely moved away. "I am _so_ relieved."

"Leave me alone, Ma," Jane whispered, tapping her hands against her mother's arms. "Go."

"Are you okay?" Maura reached across and pressed the call button beside the bed. "I'll get a nurse."

Jane sighed. Her heart rate sped up. "Maura, make her go."

"I can't." She looked defeated. Jane closed her eyes and chewed on the inside of her lip. "She refuses."

"Ma." She gritted her teeth. "Listen to my girlfriend."

"No! I am your mother. I know what is best."

"You don't." She shifted in the bed, lifting her leg up in an attempt to roll over. She could barely get her body to move. "You never did."

" _Don't,_ " Angela said, her eyes glistened under the dull hospital light.

"Don't what?" Jane asked. Something shifted in her skin and a wave of pain shot through her. "Maura, it hurts."

Blocking the side of the bed, Angela glowered down at her. "Don't be ungrateful."

"Stop her, please." Tears filled her eyes. Maura walked around the bed and rested her hand on the other side of Jane's shoulders. "Something's stabbing my arm."

"Is everything okay?" a nurse asked, entering the room.

Maura glanced up. "Jane is awake."

"Make my mother leave," Jane cried. She closed her eyes tightly, whimpering as the pain intensified.

"No!" Angela said, folding her arms.

The nurse stepped into the room, her eyes fixed on Angela. "Mrs Rizzoli, if Jane wishes for you to leave, I must insist."

She folded her arms tighter, her cheeks reddened. "You can't make me."

"Jane has made her wishes clear." The woman gripped her arm.

Trying to shrug the nurse off, Angela held a finger out between them, pointing it at Maura. "That woman has poisoned her against me."

"She's not," Jane said, gripping Maura's hand. "Something's not right.

"I'm sorry, Mrs Rizzoli. If you don't leave, I will have to call security."

"Fine." She shrugged her off and marched out of the room.

"It's okay, Jane," Maura said, rubbing her arm.

x

The nurse left the room, leaving Jane and Maura alone. She leant back against her pillows and breathed slowly, fighting against the pain as the painkillers started to work their magic. She gripped Maura's hand tightly.

"You're okay," Maura whispered, running a hand across her head.

"What happened?" Jane asked.

"You broke your wrist, they had to reset it. Up until now you won't have felt the pain."

" _No_ , what happened?" She breathed heavily, clutching the side of the cast on her wrist, tracing the line of the heart drawn across it and the M in the middle. She tried to smile, but the pain had barely subsided.

Maura sat in the chair beside the bed, her fingers tightly wrapped around Jane's free arm. "You were in an accident."

" _I know._ What, how?"

"Someone was driving drunk, they went through a red light and hit the back of your car. The police said that your car spun round and then rolled onto the driver's side."

She choked on tears, droplets trailed down her face. "Is Charlie okay?"

"Charlie's fine." Maura leant closer. "He slept through it all. They brought him straight to the hospital and he was discharged yesterday."

"Yesterday?" Jane frowned. "How long?"

"You've been unconscious for nineteen hours. You have a head injury, nothing that's too concerning. But because of the break in your wrist they had to do an operation."

"I'm okay?"

Maura brushed her hair back behind her ear and kissed her softly on the forehead. She trailed her hand down her cheek, running her thumb across Jane's lips. "They think so. It was a concern that you didn't wake up at first after the operation. They did some tests and now you're awake, I think you're going to be okay."

The closer she stood, the more tears strolled down Jane's cheeks. She leant forward, gripping the side of Maura's dress with her free hand. She nuzzled her face against the side of her neck. "I love you."

"I love you," Maura said, her voice fragile. She held her close.

"Why was Ma here?" Jane leant back against the pillows, her eyebrows tugged together. "Did you call her?"

"No." Maura sat back down, twisting her finger up with Jane's. "She was listed as your next of kin. I only found out you were here because the officer who was called to the scene knew who you were."

"Oh. _Yeah._ "

Maura narrowed her eyes. "One thing I don't understand is if you haven't seen her for years, why is she still your next of kin?"

She shrugged, then regretted it the second pain seared through her body. She groaned. "Never changed it."

"Why?"

"I just didn't get round to it."

Maura pressed her lips together. "Didn't they call her when you had the fire?"

She glanced down. "No. I was fine. They didn't need to."

"I thought you and Charlie were inside your apartment."

She hesitated. A lump formed in the back of her throat. " _He_ was."

Maura leant forward. "Where were you?"

"Getting pizza."

"You left him?" Maura asked, confusion in her voice.

"I ordered delivery, the guy refused to come to my door. I went down to the front. I was only supposed to be gone two minutes. He was asleep." She choked back tears. "I shouldn't have left him."

"Hey, hey." Maura gave her shoulder a squeeze. "It's okay."

"It's not." She shook her head. Months of grief overwhelmed her. "It's never been okay. I left him in a burning building."

Maura brushed tears from her cheeks. "Shh. It's okay. You don't need to talk about this now. It's okay."

"No." Jane pushed her hands away. She gritted her teeth. Her whole body shook with tears, pain and frustration. "I need you to know I didn't do it on purpose."

"I couldn't ever think that. You don't need to do this now."

"The delivery guy was rude. He mixed up my order. He had to go back to his car. It took nearly ten minutes to sort out. I thought he'd be okay. He was sleeping. He was supposed to be okay."

Maura sat back down, still gripping Jane's hand at her side. "What happened?"

"I got my pizza and I went to go back upstairs but people were running down, the alarms were going off. I didn't know what to do. I tried to go up but the fire department arrived, they stopped me. I couldn't go and get Charlie. He was there alone and I couldn't get to him."

"It's not your fault," Maura said. "If you'd gone back you might both have been killed."

"I should have been there," Jane shouted, sending a pain through her throat. She tried to swallow the lump but it barely shifted. Fresh tears coursed down her cheeks.

"It's okay." Maura stood up, clutching her hand. She brushed tears from her cheeks, kissing her forehead. "You did everything you could. Jane, this isn't the right time for this conversation. You're hurt."

"I'm fine." An intense pain shot through her wrist, but she brushed it aside. "I need you to know. I tried my best."

"I know. I know you'd do anything for your son."

"The fire was in my apartment. Some faulty appliance. Charlie was in his room. He woke up when the alarms went off and he couldn't get out of his room. He was sat in a room full of a smoke. That's what the man who rescued him said. He was sat in a room full of smoke screaming for me and I wasn't there. I should have been there and I wasn't."

" _Oh Jane._ "

"It's my fault he was traumatised. It's my fault he hasn't walked or talked for a year. Seeing him start again, I just feel like everything was going to be okay. Now this. I could have killed him."

"It wasn't your fault." Maura cupped her cheeks, holding her gaze. "You know drunk drivers. You understand this. It wasn't your fault."

"But I should have protected him," she said, her face crumbled. "I should, I should."

"You can't protect him from everything," Maura said, cutting her off.

"I should have been more careful."

"You were plenty careful. You're a good driver. You wouldn't have put him at risk."

"He was at risk anyway." Jane leant forward, her eyes scrunched tightly. She lifted her wrist up against her chest. Her words came out broken. "I love him…so much, but, but sometimes I just…I think it was all a mistake. Maybe Ma should take him."

"What?" Maura stepped back, her mouth agape. " _No, Jane._ Don't talk like that."

"All I do is fuck up." Tears streamed down her face, her whole body shook with every gasp for air. "He's five. He doesn't deserve so much crappy luck and a terrible mother. It hurts so much."

"Your wrist hurts?" Maura trailed her hand across her forehead. "Jane, try to calm down. You are _not_ a terrible mother. Stop saying that, Jane. Stop putting yourself down. You're burning up."

"He deserves better than I can give him." She shook her head. "Why won't the, the pain stop? It…keeps, keeps getting…worse."

"Now really isn't the time to be talking about this. You have a fever. Jane, please try to calm down." She reached across the bed and pressed the call button. Jane leant back, her heart raced. She gripped Maura's arm, fresh tears strolled down her face. "It's going to be okay. I'm getting some help."

* * *

 **Author Note : The cliffhanger was also unintentional...stories do what stories do, I'm just the writer, sometimes passively. Just be thankful my brain's cry of "kill Charlie" was fought off. ;)**


	13. Chapter 13

**Author Note : Chapter 13, unlucky for some, but maybe not for our ladies. Hopefully not for response to this chapter either *laughs*. Thank you, as always, thank you. Tomorrow I'm not sure if there will be a chapter or not. It's my last day at work. 15 months in one of the best jobs I've ever had, with amazing people I don't really want to leave. It's going to be a difficult day. First thing I may feel like writing, but I'm going out after work. Maybe the next day, though I'm taking my friend out for the day. Normal business should resume Wednesday evening, or Thursday.**

 **I am so not ready for tomorrow, I anticipate tears. Lots of reviews would really cheer me up, just saying...**

* * *

The door opened and Charlie jumped onto the bed. Jane's face lit up and she felt instantly calm. He wrapped his arms tightly around her neck, and she settled into the embrace. She squeezed him tightly and breathed in the scent of shampoo in his hair.

"I've missed you," she said, burrowing her face against his neck. "I love you my sweet boy."

"Missed you too," he said, grinning as he sat back. He turned around. "Do you have the pen, Maura?"

Jane glanced behind him. Maura reached into her purse and handed him a marker. "Here you go."

"What's this?" Jane asked, narrowing her eyes at Maura.

"I promised Charlie that he could sign your cast."

"Oh, _sure_." She held her arm out. He leant over her knees and scribbled on the cast. Jane patted the side of the bed and reached out to Maura. "He's come along so quickly."

"He's like a completely different child." Maura sat on the plastic chair beside the bed and gripped her hand. "I worried that you being in here might set him back, but he's been fine."

She cleared her throat, pushing down the threat of tears. "They said I can come home tomorrow."

"That's great news!" Maura trailed her fingers across her arm. "How is the break?"

"Better now they've put a new cast on, you were right, it was too tight. The antibiotics helped the fever." Charlie sat back. Jane lifted her broken wrist. "It's missing a heart."

Maura smirked and took the pen from Charlie. "I can't let that happen."

"Mama," Charlie said, slipping into the space beside her on the bed. "Can we stay at Maura's forever?"

Jane pressed her lips together and raised her eyebrows. The conversation had fallen by the wayside after the accident. She lifted her hand to Maura's arm. "What do you say, Maur?"

"I was waiting for the right moment to discuss it." She finished writing the M in the centre of the heart and sat back in her seat. Her grin spread to her eyes and she ran a hand across the back of Charlie's head. "I think we're going to need a bigger house."

"Bunkbeds!" Charlie shouted.

"Or bunkbeds," Jane said. "You've always wanted to sleep near the ceiling. Maybe we can finally get you some glow in the dark stars."

"Can we get bunkbeds?" he asked, his mouth dropped.

"What do you say, Maur?" Jane shrugged. "At least for now. Then when we find somewhere bigger we can move."

Maura nodded. "I think that sounds like a fantastic idea. I suppose we could turn my office into a spare room, so Chuck can have his own without needing to move."

"I kinda like the idea of starting again." Jane shrugged. She leant over Charlie and tugged Maura closer. "We've had so much upheaval the last year. What's one more move?"

Cupping Jane's cheek, Maura brushed her lips against hers. "If that's what you want."

"Everywhere I've been has mixed memories. It's time we built happy memories in a new place."

"Yay!" Charlie shouted. Jane moved closer to Maura, her lips pursed. Charlie lifted his hand up and placed it on Maura's mouth, giggling. "No kisses."

"None at all?" Maura asked, feigning surprise.

" _No_!" he shouted.

Jane shrugged. "No kisses."

"No kisses for Mama and Maura!"

"Oh, just for us?" Jane asked. She pressed her lips to his cheek and blew a raspberry. "Kisses for Charlie!"

He kicked his legs against the bed and laughed loudly. "No raspberries!"

"So, more kisses?" Maura asked, kissing his forehead several times quickly.

" _No_!" he shouted, his lips curved into the largest of smiles.

"Kisses for Maura then," Jane said, pulling her back in and kissing her deeply.

" _Ew_!" Charlie shouted.

"Not ew!" Jane ran her fingers across his stomach. He giggled again as she tickled him. "Someone gets kisses!"

"Beau!" he shouted.

"Beau's not here."

"Kisses at home!"

"Okay." Jane scooped him up and pulled him onto her lap. She ran her hand across his head, brushing his hair back from his face. "Tomorrow, when I get home."

x

She could hear her voice before she could see her. Jane rolled onto her other side, away from the door. Whether her mother intended what she said to the nurses – to not stress her, or cause a fight – Jane didn't really want to speak to her. She closed her eyes and focused on the end in sight. One more sleep and she would be at home with her son, beginning a new life with the family she'd built from the ground up.

"Janie?"

She could hear her breath, heavy from the steps she'd had to climb to reach the floor she was on. Her voice had never sounded so small before. Jane squeezed her eyes tightly shut. A hand landed on her shoulder, but she didn't move.

"I'm sorry."

She resisted the urge to move.

"I'm so sorry." Was she crying? "It's been harder than I thought at first, not having you around."

The chair beside the bed scraped across the floor. Angela's hand rested on her arm. She tried to even out her breathing.

"I didn't want to lose you; I just couldn't go against your father. It was another time. He was a good Catholic Italian boy, and I was a good Catholic Italian girl. I thought it was for the best. I thought what he wanted mattered more than my heart breaking in two."

A lump formed in the back of Jane's throat. She pressed her teeth together and fought the ache in her throat.

"He was wrong. _I_ was wrong. I shouldn't have left it years. I should have kicked him out and told him that you were my baby girl, and whoever you love is okay with me. I'm sorry I said those things about Maura. I got Tommy to help with the Google and she's impressive. The things she's done, I never could have dreamed my daughter would be with someone like her. She fought so hard for you and I know she loves you. She loves you more than your father ever loved me. I know that now. I just wish I could tell you."

Tears strolled down her cheek, around her face and pooled in her ear. She hated the feel of the tickle of tears on her skin. She couldn't move. She couldn't let her know she was there. She scrunched her face up tightly and tried to steady her fractured breath.

"I love you, Janie. I love you so much. Seeing you again, I know that now. I've missed out on so much of your life…and for what? A man who loved me so much he met some blonde bimbo and shacked up with her for six months before begging to come back? I kicked him out. I couldn't do it anymore. He didn't deserve me. He didn't deserve our family…and what he did to you…what _I_ did to you. It's unforgivable."

She chewed on the inside of her lip. It was too difficult to force her tears aside, to stop her body from shaking with such force that her mother would see.

"I need you to know, and maybe one day I'll tell you when you can hear me…but I will fight for you, Janie. I will fight to have you back in my life and I will fight to know my grandson." She choked back tears. "Oh he's so wonderful. I've only seen him briefly, but he looks so much like you. He's got your smile, and he's got your eyes, and I couldn't be prouder of what you've done. To have a baby without your family. You're made of strong stuff, Jane Clementine Rizzoli. Stronger than your mother. I promise you that."

The chair scraped again. Her hand shifted off Jane's arm. She stayed still. She couldn't move now. It was too late. Too much time had passed.

" _I love you._ I'll go now. You're sleeping. But I'll be back. I need you to know I'll be back, and I will try to make it up to you. It won't be enough, it'll never be enough, but it's all I can do."

A draft surrounded her. The noise of the nurses' station in the corridor travelled into the room. A second later, the sound dampened and the draft vanished. Jane turned over, her eyes fixed on the empty room. She wiped at her eyes as great gasping sobs made her whole body shake and fresh tears filled her eyes.


	14. Chapter 14

**Author Notes : Sorry it's been over a week. It's been such a...bittersweet week. I finished my job, and it was heartbreaking to go. Even the day after I was so emotional. Then on Monday afternoon my second nephew was born and I spent 2 days entertaining my almost 2 year old nephew. It was such a wonderful time, but very tiring. I've just been so happy and sad all at once.**

* * *

The plastic beaker slipped off the table and clattered onto the floor. Jane rushed forward to retrieve it and continued to stuff her few belongings into her backpack with one hand. She glanced towards the hospital room doorway, her eyes darted back and forth from the door, to the window, then back down to her bag.

She placed her cell against her ear and balanced it with her shoulder. "Hey, Maur, are you bringing Charlie with you?"

"Yes."

"Don't." She slung the pack over her other shoulder, careful not to catch her broken wrist, glanced once more around the room, and headed for the exit.

"Why not?"

She breathed slowly, methodically. The chemical smell of the hallways reached her nose. "Leave him with Alejandro, please?"

"Okay." Her voice was quieter than usual. "Jane, is everything o..."

She hung up. Her feet pounded the tiled floor. She rushed down the corridor. By the elevator, she tapped her toes against the tile. When the elevator didn't arrive, she shook her head and made her way toward the staircase.

Running down the stairs two at a time, Jane felt a little uneasy. Her injured wrist made it difficult to balance, and she was weakened by the lack of activity. She jumped the last couple of steps on each section until she reached the first floor.

The taxi ride stretched on. She closed her eyes as Maura's name and photo flashed on screen. They stopped briefly to get cash. They pulled up outside Maura's a minute later. Jane fumbled her way out of the back seat.

"I thought Maura pick you," Alejandro said as she entered the house.

Jane glanced around the room. Charlie sat at the table eating some fruit and drinking a juice box. His smile grew wide and he jumped down, colliding with her legs.

"Mama!"

"Oh my sweet boy," she said, pulling him against her with her free arm. She kissed the side of his head. "I need you to get your bag."

"Why?"

"We're going to go home."

He narrowed his eyes. "This is home."

"Maura said you were coming together," Alejandro said. "Where is she?"

"She got held up." Jane patted Charlie's shoulder. "Come on, Kid. It's time to go."

He shrugged and ran off upstairs. Jane hovered in the hallway, searching the room. She could feel Alejandro watching her.

"I said I'd go get some things from the house," she said, focusing her attention on the bookcase across the room.

"Maura only just set off," Alejandro said. Her cell buzzed in her pocket. She placed her hand against it to stem the vibration. "What is wrong?"

"Nothing." Charlie bounced back down to the first floor. She slipped a hand across his back. "We'll catch you later, Alejandro. Thanks for looking after Chuck."

She opened the front door and guided her son onto the front path. The sound of Alejandro's cellphone rang out beside her. She glanced briefly behind her and focused on her path towards the cab.

"Jane, why is Maura calling?" Alejandro shouted.

She gritted her teeth and climbed in beside Charlie. He walked toward her, she moved quickly.

"Drive!" she said, buckling her seat belt and getting Charlie fastened in. "Please, go now."

She stared out of the window at Alejandro, his eyebrows tugged together as he held his cell to his ear. A lump formed in the back of her throat but she couldn't swallow. It hurt. Every breath was like a weight being dropped on her chest.

Twenty minutes later, they pulled up outside the house she'd lived in with Charlie.

"We'll be ten minutes maximum."

Lifting Charlie out of the car, she raced up to the front door, Charlie rushed to keep up. Inside, she took another bag out of the closet and filled it with clothes, books and toys. Every thought that ran through her mind consumed her, so much so that she could barely breathe.

"What's happening, Mama?"

"We have to go," she said, breathless. "Get your favourite toys. Quickly. We don't have a lot of time."

"Where's Maura?"

"She's at home."

"Are we going there?"

Jane breathed in slowly, closing her eyes as the weight of her decision settled on her chest. She forged a smile. "Of course. Get your things. We need to go."

"Okay, Mama." He ran into his bedroom and lifted up several items, carrying them back to the bag. Jane helped him place them inside before he disappeared out of the room and came back with more items.

"That's enough for now," Jane said, running a hand across his shoulders. "Anything else we can buy."

"Can't we come back here?" he asked, his eyebrows tugged together.

"Sure." Her eyes filled with tears. She zipped the bag up and tugged it off the bed with her free hand. "Help me get this down to the cab."

The cab door slammed shut and they set off just as Maura pulled into the driveway. She could see her eyes trained on the cab, the doubt, the worry, etched across her face.

"Go faster," Jane said.

"You want me to break the law?"

Jane gritted her teeth and handed over a one hundred dollar bill. "Please. The further away we are the better."

The driver took the note. "No more than ten over."

"Okay."

She stared out of the back window as Maura's car appeared on the road behind. The faster they went, the further away it got, until it turned into a small speck in the distance. The cab turned and eventually Maura's car was completely out of sight.

"Maura's calling," Charlie said, pointing to her cellphone.

"It's okay," Jane said, pressing the off button on her cell. "I'll speak to her later."

He pressed his lips together. "Aren't we going back there?"

"Not right now, Chuck."

"Later?"

She sighed. "No."

"When?"

She cupped his cheeks and stared into his dark brown eyes. "I love you, okay? I'm doing what is the best thing for both of us."

"I love you too, Mama." He shrugged. "We're not seeing Maura again, are we?"

Choking back tears, Jane cleared her throat. "I wish we were."

x

The motel room smelled like cigars and urine. Jane dropped her bags onto the floor, careful not to catch her cast as the strap slipped down to her elbow. She walked across the tiny room to the window and glanced out at the nearly empty parking lot.

"I want to go home," Charlie said, his face grew red and his eyes glistened under the dull light.

Jane sighed. "Sorry, Kid."

"Mama!" he cried, wrapping his arms tightly around her legs. His shoulders shook.

"I'm sorry." Tears caught in the back of her throat. She took her cell out of her pants pocket and turned it back on. She had several missed calls and voicemail messages. "I'm doing this for us, I promise you, this is so we can be happy."

He darted from her legs to the bed and burrowed his face into the bedsheets, wailing loudly. "I miss Maura and Beau."

"I know." She sat down beside him and patted his back. She listened to the voicemail messages one after the other. "Me too."

'Jane, it's Maura, I'm at the hospital. Where are you? Call me.'

'Hi, Jane, I don't know where you are. Why aren't you here? What's happened? I just need to know that you're okay.'

'I spoke to Alejandro, he said you were at the house. Where are you going?'

'What is going on? I arrived at your house as you left in a cab. Where are you going?' Her voice cracked. 'Jane. I love you. I don't understand what's happening. Why did you leave?'

She dropped her cell on the mattress and lifted her legs up against her chest. Tears skirted across her cheeks and down to her chin. She brushed them away with her hand.

"This is the right thing for Charlie," she whispered, closing her eyes. "It's my only option."

The cellphone sprang to life. She turned around to check the phone when Charlie picked it up.

"Maura!" he shouted, his voice changed from sadness to joy in moments. A lump formed in the back of Jane's throat. She snatched the phone out of his hand. "No, Mama!"

She held the cell to her ear. "Hey."

"Jane! Finally. What is going on?"

"We had to get away," she said, running her fingertips across her eyelids. "I'm sorry."

"When will you be back?"

Jane cleared her throat, but her resolve crumbled. "I'm sorry."

"Jane!"

"I love you."

"Jane, don't hang up. I lo..."

She pressed the call button and lay back down on the bed, curling her knees up to her chest.

"Why did you say that, Mama?" Charlie asked, scooting closer. "Why didn't you tell her to come get us?"

"Stop thinking about Maura," she said. "We're not going back there. Forget about her."

"But..."

"No! Charlie, please." Her voice broke. She coughed, disguising the worst of the pain evident in her voice. She climbed off the bed and turned on the television. "I'm gonna have a shower, watch cartoons or something."


	15. Chapter 15

**Author Note : I've been in such a rollercoaster recently. Spending time with family (and my beautiful new nephew), missing work and my lovely colleagues, being lazy and tired and frustrated with doing nothing. Being even more frustrated with this chapter and this story and my inability to get past this annoyance. I don't know what I'm doing with this story anymore, and that makes it harder to write. If you have any ideas, feel free to share. I feel like I should probably just wrap things up...but you guys always think I wrap stories up too soon. I just don't want it to become pointless. Story arcs are supposed to reach a climax and then end, and I just don't know how to do that. Without it ending on the next chapter. Alas, I have a chapter. I don't feel it's very good. But it will have to do. Sometimes I have to put out the crap to get past it.**

* * *

"It's a motel."

Jane wrapped a towel around her head and stepped out into the bedroom. She froze. Charlie sat on the bed, her cellphone pressed against his ear.

"It's sunshine."

"Charlie! No!" she shouted, lunging forward and grappling the phone from his hands. He let out a high pitched scream and slapped his hands against Jane's injured arm. She winced at every smack and dropped the phone onto the bed.

" _No!_ "

"Charlie, _stop_." She wrapped her free arm tightly around him, her other arm lay across his side, holding him steady until he stopped crying and surrendered to her embrace. Tears crept into her eyes and she swallowed a lump in her throat. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry we have to do this."

" _No!_ " he screamed, pushing her away and running into the bathroom. He slammed the door shut behind him.

Jane crawled off the bed and stopped on the other side of the bathroom door. The towel from her head had landed on the floor; she tightened the other towel around her front. She pushed down on the door handle but it didn't move. She banged her fist against the wood. "Charlie, open the door. You know you shouldn't lock it. Mama needs to get inside."

She pressed her ear to the door.

Silence.

"Chuck, come on. Don't do this." She banged on the door again. "Charlie!"

Still no sound came from the other side of the door. She lowered herself onto the floor beside it, resting her head against the wooden frame. Fresh tears strolled down her cheeks. She was exhausted. The doctor's instruction was to rest and she'd done anything but since leaving the hospital.

x

A knock at the bedroom door pulled her from sleep. Jane sat up; her hair had dried at on odd angle. Sunlight shone through the thin curtains. The bathroom door was still shut. Her heart leapt into her throat as she stood up. She rested her hand against the door, her forehead beside it. She sighed and headed for the front door. Leaning forward, she glanced into the eye piece.

She jumped back. Her eyes scanned the bed for her phone, but it was nowhere in sight. Instead, Charlie lay under the bedsheets, fast asleep.

"I know you're in there."

Hearing Maura's voice made her breath catch in her throat; her heart broke, merging with a feeling of comfort. She covered her mouth, gasping for air. She shook her head.

"Jane. If you don't open this door the manager will let me in. I'm concerned about your wellbeing."

She stepped forward and unlocked the door. Maura pushed it open until Jane could see her, alone, her eyebrows tugged down in sadness.

"You shouldn't be here. How did you even find me?"

"If you intend to stay lost, it helps to visit a different motel to one of the ones you've lived in. I would have come earlier, but Charlie said you were sleeping. I didn't want to wake you so I waited."

Closing the gap, Maura silently wrapped her arms around her and held her close. Succumbing to her emotions, Jane crumbled against her. Tears dropped from her chin onto Maura's shoulder.

"I'm sorry." She gripped hold of her shirt. "I didn't know what else to do."

"Will you please come home?"

She stepped back, her head lowered. " _I can't._ Maura, I can't go back there. Not when she knows how to find me."

"Your mother?"

"I can't go through it again. I can't do it, Maur. Don't make me go back there."

x

Jane brushed through her hair as she perched on the end of the bed, it failed to be tamed. Charlie sat against the headboard, zooming a toy spaceship around in front of him. Maura poured freshly boiled water into a mug and stirred until the instant coffee dissolved. She handed a mug to Jane, and placed her jacket down on a badly stained chair before sitting opposite her.

"Will you tell me what happened?"

She sipped her coffee, scrunching up her face at the taste. "She apologised."

Maura tilted her head to one side, her eyebrows tugged together. "Angela apologised?"

"For everything. She knows what she did was wrong. She knows she sided with Pop when she should have sided with me. They weren't even together at the end. He left her for some bimbo."

A hand landed on Jane's knee. She stared at Maura's fingers as she wrapped them tightly around her leg. "I'm trying to understand, but I don't know why that means you would need to run away."

"She hurt me, Maur." She choked back tears. "When everything fell apart after I left home for the last time, I couldn't pull it back together. I didn't know how to. I slipped further and further and it damn nearly killed me."

" _Oh_." Maura didn't move her hand as she moved from the chair to the bed beside her. "In what way did it nearly kill you?"

"What way do you think?" Jane leant her head against Maura's shoulder. "What was the point in living if it meant having nobody?"

"I see."

"Becoming a cop saved me. It gave me a purpose, it gave me a family. When Chuck came along I was in a good place, my life wasn't exactly what I imagined it was gonna become, but it was a far cry from being so close to suicide."

Maura wrapped her arm around Jane's waist and held her tightly. "Letting your mother back in when she's showing you remorse isn't going to damage all that you've done to rebuild your life."

"You don't know that!"

"No." Maura sighed. "I don't. But your life has changed astronomically from that moment. You have your career, a job you love almost as much as your beautiful son. Then there's me. I'm not going anywhere. Whether you're experiencing highs, or the deepest of lows. _I am here._ You're not alone anymore, Jane. You don't have to go through this by yourself."

She brushed tears from her cheeks. "I freaked out."

"I know. I can understand why, now that you've told me what your mother told you."

Jane shrugged. "She didn't even tell me."

"What do you mean?"

"She thought I was asleep."

Maura turned to face her, her eyebrows creased. "You haven't actually discussed it...?"

"No."

She slipped her other hand around Jane and held her at arm's length. "How would it feel if I suggested doing so?"

"I'm not ready." Jane lowered her head into her hands. "One day, maybe, but not today. I can't do it."

"It doesn't have to be today," Maura said.

"Or tomorrow."

Maura smirked. "I was going to suggest a few weeks."

"Okay."

"Will you come home?"

x

"The children are playing in their bedroom," Maura said, sitting down beside Jane on their bed. "Charlie's a little quiet but I think he's doing okay."

Jane clutched Maura's arm and burrowed her face against her neck. "I don't deserve you."

"You do."

"You're gonna fight me on this too?" she asked, sitting back against the headboard.

Maura sighed. "I'm not fighting you on anything. You made a factually incorrect statement, which I corrected."

"Seriously?"

"Jane. Please don't turn this into an argument because I can see what you're doing. You don't need to destroy your own happiness to make some sort of point to your brain."

"My brain?" Jane tucked her foot over her other leg. "What are you talking about?"

Maura clutched her hands and gave them a gentle squeeze. "I love you. But I don't think you realise how deserving you are of the things in your life."

"Like the fire?" Jane asked, barely disguising a chuckle.

"No, Jane."

"I know." She snaked an arm around Maura's shoulders and pulled her in close. "You mean the good things. You're telling me I deserve the good things in my life."

"The way you talk suggests you believe you should only be afforded difficulty and sadness, and I refuse to believe that anyone deserves that." Maura kissed her cheek. "It's as though if anything else happens it's a backup plan."

"A backup for what?"

"Your heart."

"I'm not following."

"Bad things happen to you. You believe you deserve them. When another bad thing happens it's part of you being undeserving. Rather than an issue with outside forces, you believe it's about you, and because it's part of what you expect for yourself, no further pain is a surprise and thus hurts less."

Jane sighed and snuggled up close. "Your psychobabble almost makes sense."

"It's common for people who have exhibited some sort of trauma in their life."

"The fire only happened a year ago."

Maura tilted her head. "I meant cutting off your family."

Jane shrugged. "That was years ago."

"The client knows what hurts, what directions to go, what problems are crucial and what experiences have been buried."

"Client?"

"It's a quote from Carl Rogers. Only you know what you have buried, Jane, what you have hidden instead of deal with. I'm here and I want to help you to work through some of the difficult parts of your past, whether you hid them away last week or twenty years ago."

They sat in silence for a while. Jane settled into a comfortable position against Maura, her heart rate slowed and her emotions evened out. A wave of fresh emotion suddenly flooded her system and she felt her shoulders heave with gasping sobs.

"It's okay."

"It's not." Jane choked on her words. "Charlie doesn't deserve the things I've made him do. He's missed out on family, he's had me drag him halfway around Boston and back again. I've already told you it was my fault he was in the fire alone."

"You've already told me that you stepped out of the apartment when he was asleep and an appliance caused a fire nobody could have predicted."

"It doesn't change the guilt I feel."

"No. I suppose not."

"I'm exhausted." Jane shifted to one side, putting space between them. "I'm so exhausted."

"I'm not surprised. Sleeping on the floor despite just getting out of the hospital."

"Not tired," Jane said. She hung her head and sighed. "I'm mentally exhausted. I don't know how much more of this I can take."

"It's okay."

"It's not."

"It is." Maura ran her fingers across her cheek and pressed her lips against Jane's. "Today you don't need to deal with anything. Please, just rest. Charlie's safe, you're safe, it's time you let somebody look after you."

"I don't know how."

"Lie down," Maura whispered, trailing her fingers across her neck and over her shoulder blade. She shifted down the bed and gripped Maura's fingers. "I'll put on some relaxing music, I just want you to focus on your breathing."

The gentle sound of piano keys filled the room. Jane closed her eyes and listened carefully to the methodical sounds, merging with water flowing and the wind travelling across the scene in her mind.

"Gonna make me fall asleep."

"If you fall asleep, you fall asleep."

Every breath made her body feel heavier. She stifled a yawn. "Thanks, Maur."


End file.
